Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Triangle Disease
Reviews
Triangle Disease
(#) Skoell 2006-11-15
the scene with mad-eye was the most disturbing thing i have ever read......well after that slash thing between harry and snape in another story, NOW that was disgusting!
BUT your story is great! keep it up!Triangle Disease
(#) Dragen 2006-11-17
Poor, poor Harry, having 'the talk' by Mad-Eye is one thing that I wish upon... lol.
Keep up the good work.Triangle Disease
(#) wesley 2007-01-26
That’s the way traumatize him! Good god this story is completely whacked. You and your beta reader need to learn how to spell check. There are a ton of mistakes grammatically speaking. It wouldn’t hurt to slow down, maybe think about what your writing. If you had this marked as humor, I would say you did alright, except for spelling mistakes, but it’s not marked as humor. None of your characters act remotely human.
I mean they don’t even do so much as a double take when they are told they must either marry and have kids, or die in two days. It’s just “Oh right then, see you for tea? No sweat.” It’s ridicules, complete nonsense.
You don’t describe anything that is going on its all.
Harry did this. Then he said that. Then he went here. Then Hermione said this. Later Ginny did that.
It’s stale. Take some time, go back, and work on giving the characters some human emotion. Describe where they are, what they are doing, what they are thinking, what they think the other characters in the story are thinking. What they hope for, what their afraid of.Triangle Disease
(#) GryffindorDragon 2007-03-27
I like how everybody falls all over Harry.
As funny as the scene is (especially Moody giving Harry 'the Talk') and as much as I can imagine Harr getting very nervous about the 'consumation' of his marriage, do you really think he would need the talk.Triangle Disease
(#) Kwisatz_Haderach 2007-09-17
O God, I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while. Having Mad-Eye give someone the talk. Thanks for that good laugh!Triangle Disease
(#) jackal85 2009-01-29
NO NO NO!!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THATS JUST NOT RIGHT!!!!
YOU DO NOT HAVE A MAN WHO IS ABOUT TO MARRY YOYUR OWN DAUGHTER4 WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER IN THE BEDROOM!!!!!!!!!!
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