FicWad

I felt a surge of sympathy for Christa. She looked ready to break. Quickly I hugged her and whispered that we needed to get to the side stage so the guys wouldn't worry. I told that we would talk later about the letter. She nodded and followed me through the darkness to our seats. Alicia looked at us both questioningly but I simply smiled and nodded that everything was okay. Another lie.
The concert passed quickly without incident. The band played flawlessly and the crowed loved every minute. As soon as the guys came off stage we met them and explained we were going back to the bus. I could tell Gerard was worried but I told him everything was fine and that I was just a bit tired. A small group of other musicians had assembled back stage and I knew the guys wouldn't come back to the bus right away. Thankfully Alicia decided to stay with Mikey so it would give Christa and I the chance we needed to talk.
Worm followed us out of the venue and through the night to the bus. Once he was sure we were okay he took off. Christa and I sat down and she spoke immediately.
"Laura, I know something happened last night. I could tell as soon as I saw Ray. I'm not sure if it happened when he was out with Bob or when they got back but I know something happened."
I looked down not meeting her eyes.
"It's okay." She said softly. "Obviously you promised not to tell me but I'm sure you know. Ray told me he had to talk to Gee and left to call him. I was sure Gee would tell you."
I continued to look down. I couldn't break my promise not to tell her about Ray seeing the woman he believed to be Merri.
Christa leaned back and sighed, "He's so upset and it breaks my heart. Tell me what to do?" She pulled the letter out of her pocket and held it in her shaking fingers. "I'm afraid to give this to him."
I shook my head sadly, "I know that you want to just pretend that you never took the letter from the roadie but do you want to start keeping things from him now?"
"He's keeping things from me." She answered immediately.
He was and that wasn't right either. I honestly hated that she was in this position.
Christa sighed and closed her eyes a moment. "I'll give it to him as soon as he gets to the bus." Her voice sounded almost defeated.
"Are you going to agree to marry him?" I asked.
She ignored the question and stood up. "I'm going to take a quick shower before the guys get back."
"Christa, I'm so sorry." I said from the bottom of my heart.
She smiled sadly, "I am too."

Jenny called soon as Christa left to take her shower.
"Hey Laura, how's it going?"
"Just fine. Still raining?" I asked remembering how she's complained about the weather earlier.
"No actually it stopped. I'm really looking foreword to Arizona."
I laughed, "Yeah, hopefully the weather will be nice and sunny." I was wondering if something had happened since I'd already talked with her once today. My hunch that something had happened proved to be correct.
"Laura, I had a phone call about an hour after I talked to you this afternoon that sorta surprised me."
"From who?” I asked feeling my spirits sink even further.
"From someone who said she had been a close friend of Troy's."
Oh shit, I thought. Here is comes.
She continued, "She said that she was trying to reach all his friends to tell them about his death."
"Okay." I said slowly.
Jenny laughed, "Yeah, it was weird. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything but I explained that I wasn't really a friend of his. I told her that he and I had just worked together."
"What was her name?" I asked.
"She didn't say. After I told her that I wasn't really a friend she seemed pissed."
"How so?"
Jenny paused a moment. "She said that Troy had me listed in his phone so she had just assumed I was a friend. She asked me how long I'd known him."
My head was starting to hurt. "So did you tell her?"
"I don't know why but I just got sorta a creepy feeling. I can't really explain it. She asked me if I knew anyone else that was close to him that she should call. I told her the truth. I didn't really know him at all. I mean I talked to him sometimes after concerts but that was about it."
I was betting the caller had been Carrie. What the hell was she trying to find out?
Jenny continued, "So I was wondering since I didn't ask her if you have heard what the cause of death was ruled?"
"Drug overdose." I said simply. I didn't elaborate on the details.
"That's what I thought it would be." Jenny said softly. "I can still remember that day at the hospital and how out of it he seemed."
The bus door opened and the guys walked in talking and laughing. Jenny could hear the commotion. "Oh, I better let you go."
Gerard came over and took a seat next to me.
"It's okay. They just got back."
"Yeah, well I just wanted to tell you about that call. It just sorta weirded me out that Troy had my phone number in his phone."
"Yeah, that was strange." I agreed. We said our goodbyes and I disconnected.
"Where's Christa?" Ray asked me.
"She went to take her shower." I answered. I looked at him closely. He looked tired and upset.
A moment later Christa walked in. I was touched to see Ray stand and go to her immediately. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. She whispered something to him and he nodded. They walked towards the back of the bus. I was guessing she was going to give him the letter.
"What's wrong?" Gee asked. I hadn't realized he was staring at me.
I tried to smile, "Nothing."
He looked deeply into my eyes, "Yeah, something is wrong. Let's go for a quick walk before we have to take off."
He took my hand and led me off the bus. All around us preparations to leave were underway. We walked hand-in-hand to a semi-quiet area. "Okay, what's going on?" He asked taking me by my shoulders and making me face him.
Hell where to begin, I wondered. First I told him about his mom's phone call right before the concert. I could see the look in his eyes when I told him about the woman who had visited Helen.
"She said her name was Carolyn?" He asked when I was finished. “You’re thinking it was Carrie Long, aren’t you?”
I shrugged, “Yeah, that was my first thought and according to the description Helen gave your mom I really think it was.”
He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one. “Why the fuck would she go to Helen and ask questions about Merri? As far as I know Carrie never met Merri.”
“Are you sure about that?” I asked.
He shook his head, “Hell I don’t know for sure.”
I hated to bring it up but he had taken Carrie to Donna’s house. When I reminded him of that he grew upset. Still I had to ask, “When did you start hanging with Troy and Carrie?”
“About a month before we signed with Reprise.” He answered.
This came as a surprise to me. “Really?”
A very angry look crossed his face, “Yeah, really. I know what you’re thinking. All this time you’ve thought that I didn’t start hanging with Troy doing all the fucked up things until after Merri’s death. Well hate to break it to you but I started fucking Troy and doing the drugs before her death.”
I was trying not to take offense to his attitude but it wasn’t easy. “I didn’t say anything like that.”
“But you were thinking it. I’m sure it’s easier to make excuses for my fucked up behavior when you can blame it all of what happened with Merri.”
This conversation was going downhill rapidly. “I just asked you a simple question. I’m trying to figure out a time frame that’s all. From what you’ve said it’s very possible that they met. Merri was living with Helen at the time you were hanging with Troy and Carrie. Possibly she saw Carrie over at your mom’s.”
“Yeah, maybe she just walked in while I was fucking Carrie and sucking off Troy.” He spat.
His words shocked me, as did his anger. I took a step away from him and shook my head. “I’m not gonna stand here and let you take out your anger on me.”
“Who asked you to?” He answered angrily.
I was about to tell him to fuck off when Ray suddenly appeared. “I need to talk to you.” He said to Gerard.
“Hey we gotta go.” Frank yelled from the bus.
Ray, Gee and I walked slowly back towards the bus. Gerard moved to walk along side me but I quickened my pace. Right now I didn’t want the man anywhere near me.
Once we were on the bus Ray and Gerard headed towards the back area where I was guessing Christa was waiting. I slowed down and was going to sit up front with everyone else. Gerard and Ray both turned to look at me.
“Coming?” Gerard’s tone was snotty.
I glared at him.
“Laura, please come on back. Christa wants to talk to you.” Ray said softly. We left the others watching a movie.
I spotted Christa sitting on the sofa. It was easy to see she’d been crying. Ray took a seat next to her and placed his arm around her shoulders.
“What’s going on?” Gerard asked.
“Sit.” Ray said quietly.
“I don’t wanna fuckin’ sit.” Gerard shot back. I could see Ray and Christa were both shocked by his tone.
I moved over and sat down across from them and waited.
Ray pulled an envelope out of his pocket. I realized Christa had indeed given him the letter when he’d gotten back to the bus. “A roadie gave this to Christa to give to me.” He held it out to Gerard.
My husband made no move to take it. “What is it?”
“Just fuckin’ look at it.” Ray was beginning to lose his temper. Beside him Christa looked down with tears in her eyes.
Gerard glared at Ray. “Just tell me what it says.”
Ray snapped, “Take the fucking letter, Gerard.”
Oh shit, this was getting out of hand. “Can I see it?” I asked softly hoping to break the tension between the two men.
Ray looked over at me but instead of answering he leaned over and I took the envelope from him. My hands shook slightly as I removed the single piece of paper. It was written in a now familiar hand. As I read the words my breath caught. “Oh shit.” I whispered.