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Categories > Anime/Manga > Yu-Gi-Oh!

Birthday Wishes

Rated for smutt, in the process of being edited... It's Yugi's birthday! Slightly over used I know but I wrote it on my birthday! My first lemon so yeah...

Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters: Yami Yugi,Yugi Mutou - Warnings: [X] - Published: 2008/02/10 - Updated: 2008/02/10 - 3694 words - Complete

Reviews

• Birthday Wishes

  (#) Irvine_Cypher 2008-04-20 07:19:46 AM

  if that was sleepover and everybody was there...i can imagine it. xD
  
  it was good. there were some flaws, i just can't pinpoint it..some of your words are redundant..try using words with the similar meaning.
  
  if that was your first lemon, i advise you to try reading yaoi manga, it will help you in describing their movements when they do "it", ok? ^_^
  
  all in all, it was good.
  Irvine

  Author's response

  Thanks very muchly ^o^
  Yeah it was my first lemon but I've written and read more since then and I re-read this and I keep meaning to make alterations to it. It's my first fanfic actually ^^
  I'm much more descriptive now but thank you for the PROs and CONstructive critasim ^^

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