FicWad

Chapter 1
One morning, while Hinata was brushing her teeth, she decided that enough was enough. She was tired of being the nice little girl who everyone pushed around. No, today, she was going to be a different person. She was going to change, just like Naruto-kun had done. She was not going to be a wimp. She was going to be a winner!

Her father yelled from downstairs, "Hinata! Did you clean up your room?"

"Y-y-yes, I did!"

"You better have, you useless weakling!"

Hinata did not reply, as a vein throbbed inside her forehead. F8ck this, she said to herself, as her eyes strayed over to her father's toothbrush, which was sitting before her on the sink. She then giggled evilly as she picked up her dad's toothbrush and swished it around inside the toilet bowl. "Hee hee hee! I'm so naughty! Hope your breath is minty fresh, pops! Hee hee hee!"

"Hey Hinata!" Her little bratty sister, Hanabi, was at the bathroom door. "What are you doing?!"

"I-I-I'm cleaning dad's toothbrush," Hinata replied in her quavering voice. "Wh-wh-what does it look like I'm doing, you stupid b-b-bitch?!"

Hanabi gasped at her older sister's bad language. "Oh my god, you swore! And you're doing something bad to dad's toothbrush! I'm telling on you!"

"Toilet water tastes good though. Honest!"

"It does?"

"Yes, it does!" Hinata then grabbed her sister and dunked her head into the bowl. "See?! It tastes good, doesn't it!"

Her little sister gurgled, "Glaargh!"

Hinata let her sister struggle for a couple moments, then she pulled her out of the bowl. "So, you gonna tell pops or not?"

The terrified Hanabi shook her head. "No! I won't tell, I promise!"

"Better not. Bitch." Hinata dropped her sister. "Tell dad that I'm going out to train with my teammates."

*

As Hinata walked out of her house, she noticed that cranky cousin of hers, Neji, sitting off to the side. She called out, "Hi Neji! How are you feeling today?"

Neji blinked at her unexpected greeting. Usually Hinata just avoided him whenever she could. "Uh, I'm feeling fine, Hinata-sama."

"Oh, I see..." Hinata activated the Caged Birdie Seal on his forehead. "Well then, how you feeling now, BITCH?!"

"Aaaargh!" Neji was rolling on the ground, holding his head in agony. "Stop it! Please stop!"

"Oh fine, just because you said please." Hinata turned off the seal. "Remember, Neji, you're my bitch. Don't you ever forget that. If you even dare to look at me funny, I'm gonna fry your brain into dried-up little rat turds."

Neji was too shocked to respond, as Hinata walked off...

*

Kiba and Shino were both waiting for her outside the Hyuuga estate. And Kiba called out, "Hey Hinata! What's up?"

"Nothing much." Hinata sighed. "Hey, let's practice at Training Area #12 today!"

"No way!" Kiba pointed to himself. "I'm the leader, and I say we practice at Training Area #5!"

"Oh okay..." Hinata kicked Kiba in the nards. "Whatever you say, leader!"

"Yowwww!" Kiba rolled around, cradling his nuts while Akamaru yapped angrily at the cackling Hinata. "Hinata, what was that?!"

Hinata ignored Kiba, mostly because that damned mutt Akamaru was being really annoying. "Shut up, you stupid mutt!"

"Yap yap yap!"

"Shut up!" Hinata reared back a leg and booted the howling Akamaru over some nearby power lines. "God damn, I hate dogs."

The ever quiet Shino looked with concern upon his teammate. "Hinata, are you feeling okay?"

Hinata answered his question with her own question: "Hey Shino, is that one of your bugs down there on the ground?"

Shino looked down where she was pointing, and he nodded. "Yes, that is one of my Kikai bugs."

"Oh okay." Hinata smashed a foot down onto the hapless bug. "Well, he's not one of your Kikai bugs anymore, ya hahahaha!"

Shino screamed in anguish as he dropped down to his knees next to the fallen insect. "Nooo, you killed Hubert! Hubert, speak to me! Hubert! It's okay, just hang in there, I'll get you to a hospital!"

While Shino wailed over his downed comrade, Hinata sighed in satisfaction as she looked up to the sky. "You know what. Fuck this training shit. I think I'm gonna go pay a visit to Naruto-kun."

OH MY GOD. WHAT WILL HAPPEN BETWEEN HER AND NARUTO?! Stay tuned!

Chapter 2
After her encounter with Kiba and Shino, Hinata was feeling a little bit better now, almost out of her bad mood. So she started to hum to herself, "I wonder where Narutokun is"...

She then saw Naruto's jounin sensei, Kakashi Hatake, walking down the street, head down and reading some book, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. Hinata whispered in that creepy voice like that Darth Vader-sounding rain nin in the Forest of Death: "Luckyyyyyy! Kakashi will know where Narutokun is!"

She then called out in her stammering voice, "Hi, Ka-ka-Kakashisan!"

Without looking up from his book, Kakashi held up a hand in greeting. "Yo. What's up, Hinata?"

"I was just wondering, do you know where Narutokun is?"

"Mmmm." Kakashi nodded as his eye continued to scan the newest volume of Come Come Violence volume. "I believe he is training with Jiraiya at the beach."

"At the beach? Why?"

"Jiraiya likes to train Naruto at the beach because of all the scantily clad women there."

"He does? Ooooh, that dirty old man! How dare he corrupt the mind of my dear dear Narutokun!" Sweet Nice Hinata was starting to morph into Big Bad Hinata now. "If I find that old fart encouraging Narutokun to ogle women other than me, I am gonna pull out all of that old man's hair! And I'll kill and eat his froggy pets too, I'll be like the French and eat their legs with garlic and butter! Yahaha!" She cackled insanely into the suddenly dark sky as thunder clapped high above. "Yahahaha, I'm so evil!"

"Mmm?" Kakashi had not been listening to her. "What was that? You like to eat butter? That's nice."

"Grrr." Big Bad Hinata glowered at the annoying cool and hip Kakashi. "I don't like you! You think you're so cool!"

"Mmm." Kakashi nodded. "That's nice."

"You dirty pervert! I can't believe you read this nasty book in front of everyone! I bet you whack off to porn mags in your spare time!"

"Mmm." Kakashi nodded. "Yes, I do."

"What! Damn it, you're an open pervert?" Hinata stomped her feet, infuriated by her inability to get a rise out of Kakashi. "You smell funny! You have a small penis! Kurenai-sensei thinks you're gay! Gai-sensei thinks you're hot! Tsunade-sama says that she's carrying your child! I HATE YOU!!!"

"Mmm." Kakashi nodded. "That's nice."

"ARRRRR!" Shaking in uncontrollable fury, Hinata scurried over and started to kick dust onto Kakashi's feet. "I h-h-hate you! Waaaah!"

A sobbing Hinata then ran away, and Kakashi finally looked up from his book, sadly shaking his head. "Poor girl. She definitely has some issues."

.....................

Hinata had finally gotten over her crying jag, and as she neared the beach, she was starting to feel bad about herself (big surprise). She really should not have been so mean to Kakashi-san. He was always nice to her whenever they ran into each other, he didn't deserve that sort of treatment...

"Ok," Hinata said to herself. "From now on, I'll be mean only to people who deserve it!" She thought about all the people she had been mean to so far. "Well, that little brat Hanabi deserved it! That snotty jerk Neji deserved it! That bossy butthead Kiba deserved it! But I guess I should apologize to Shino sometime. He doesn't say anything mean to me. Actually, he doesn't say anything at all, but oh well. Maybe I should buy him a new kikai bug at the pet store - "

Hinata was now walking on the beach, but she suddenly stopped and jumped into the bushes to hide, because she recognized a pair of S-ranked criminals sitting on the sand in the distance! "Oh my god," she gasped. "It's those Akatsuki guys, Itachi and Kisame!"

Clad in swimming trunks, Itachi and Kisame were sitting on a pair of beach towels and under a big umbrella. Kisame was sitting up and nervously hugging a surfboard to himself, while Itachi lay on the ground with a hand rolled cigarette in his mouth. Itachi did not have his Sharingan on, but his eyes were red anyway due to all the pot he had smoked.

"Duuuude," Itachi said in his deadened monotone. "This stuff is way good. I, like, can't feel my hands and stuff."

Kisame nodded, clearly agitated and preoccupied with something else. "Hey Itachi, let's go surf! Together!"

"Whaa?" Itachi was snapping his fingers in front of his bleary eyes. "You wanna surf together? Why?"

Kisame nervously laughed, "It'll be fun! Come on, let's go!"

Itachi was repeatedly patting his face with his hands now. "I don't feel like surfing. You go surf by yourself."

Kisame squeaked, "But I don't want to! It's scary surfing by yourself - "

"Hey, you two!" A stern Kurenai, dressed in a red lifeguard bathing suit, walked up to them with her hands on hips. "Uchiha Itachi and Hoshikigi Kisame! What are you two doing here on Konoha Beach??"

"Ahhh." Itachi finally sat up, scratching his head. "I dunno."

"You two are not here to cause trouble like last time, are you??"

"Ahhh, I dunno." Itachi leered at Kurenai's hot body. "You want me to cause some trouble, babe?"

Kurenai sighed, used to the harrassment. "No, I don't. Look, just behave yourselves this time around, okay?"

Itachi asked, "If I do something bad, will you spank me?"

"No, I will not spank you - what's this smell?" Kurenai snatched the joint from Itachi's fingers. "Wait a minute, young man! Is this pot??"

Itachi blearily blinked, wondering where his joint had gone. "Heyyy, where did my joint go - heyyyyyy, give it back!" He reached up with a hand. "Heyyyy, babe, give it back!"

"Sorry, buddy, I'm confiscating this." Kurenai then noticed that Kisame was sitting off to the side, still clutching his surfboard as he nervously bit his purple nails. "Hey, what's with you? Are you okay?"

Kisame said in a voice alarmingly like Sweet Nice Hinata's: "I-I-I'm okay. I'm gonna go surf, but I'm just a little scared right now, that's all."

Kurenai blinked as she held the joint far away from Itachi's ponderously pawing hands. "Scared? Scared of what?"

Kisame said, "Sharks. I'm afraid of sharks."

"What??" Kurenai was astonished, to say the least. "You're scared of sharks?? No way!"

"I know, I know, it's so stupid, isn't it!" Kisame was openly sobbing now. "No one would ever imagine that a powerful S-ranked criminal and a famous Akatsuki member like me could ever be scared of a shark, right?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, you do look like a - "

Kisame screamed, "It's the eyes! Oh, the eyes! Their eyes are so tiny and round and inhuman! And their teeth! Their pointy sharp killer teeth! So frightening!"

Kurenai blinked at Kisame and his inhuman round eyes and his pointy sharp teeth. "Um, but hold on, what about you - "

"You've watched the movie Jaws, right?"

"Of course."

"Then you know how scary sharks are! Oh god, when I saw Jaws, I then realized that sharks are the coldest merciless killing machines, built only to hunt and kill! Did you know that even their skin can cut flesh?? It scrapes at you, paring your tissue down to the bone! Oh lord, I tell you, sharks are heartless cruel killers, all of them! I hope I never see one ever!"

"Oh, whatever." Kurenai shook her head. "But let me tell one thing. There are no sharks in these waters."

Kisame looked up in hope. "Really? No sharks??"

"There hasn't been a shark sighting in years."

"Oh! Okay then!" Kisame jumped up from the sand with his surfboard in hand. "In that case, surf's up, dude!"

"That's the spirit! Go find a wave to ride on!" Kurenai then grabbed another joint which Itachi had just put to his mouth. "Oh no you don't!"

Itachi whined, "Awww, come on! I got a prescription for this stuff, I swear!"

"Oh really? Let me see it, then."

"Ah... uh... I left it at home."

While Itachi tried to convince Kurenai that his pot stash was legal, Sweet Nice Hinata was saying to herself from the bushes, "Poor Kisame-san! He's so scared of sharks! I really hope he gets over his fear - wait a minute! Narutokun told me that Kisame-san once tried to chop off his leg! Kisame-san has been MEAN to Narutokun!"

Hinata was now Big Bad Hinata. And she growled, "Ahahahaha, so Kisame is afraid of sharks, is he??"

Chapter 3
Ten minutes later, a big crowd of people was standing in a circle around Kurenai and a half-drowned Kisame. Kurenai was busy trying to resuscitate the shark dude, as she called out, "What happened?? Did anyone see what happened??"

Itachi was standing unsteadily on his feet as he said, "Well, uh, you see, babe, Kisame was, like, swimming out to catch a wave and stuff to surf on, you know, and then he, like, uh, started screaming something about sharks and stuff."

"Sharks??" Kurenai gasped. "He saw a shark out there??"

"I guess so. He was, like, screaming stuff like 'shark shark, ahhh, help me, i'm going to die, ahhhhh!' And he started to thrash around like this," Itachi slowly waved his arms around. "And he was never a good swimmer in the first place, either. Whenever we Akatsuki guys did our swimming drills, he always placed dead last - "

"Hee hee hee!" Hinata jumped into the circle now, and she started to kick sand onto Kisame's face. "Take that, you mean Akatsuki guy! Take that! And that! And that!"

Kurenai gasped. "Hinata! What are you doing??"

"This guy had it coming, Kurenai sensei! He was so mean to Narutokun, he tried to chop off Naruto's leg!"

Kurenai then noticed that Hinata had some scuba equipment and a big rubber dorsal fin underneath her arm. "Hinata! Don't tell me you were posing as a shark just to scare this man half to death! He isn't even breathing right now!"

Hinata cackled, "Yes, it was me! And I don't care if he dies! You hear me, I'm sick and tired of being nice! I was bad, I was bad, I was bad! Hahahaha - "

"BANZAI!" Jiraiya jumped into the circle now, and he leered at the kuniochi lifeguard. "Hello, my dear Kurenai! Are you in need of assistance?"

"Oh." Kurenai rolled her eyes. "Hi, Jiraiya-san. No, I don't need any help."

"Oh, are you sure?" Jiraiya flexed his muscles. "I am Jiraiya, the dashingly handsome and legendary Frog Hermit AND an expert at first aid medical procedures!"

Naruto suddenly barged into the scene, planting a foot into Jiraiya's face. "Shut up, Jiraiya sensei! Stop bothering Kurenai san!"
Jiraiya shouted, "Naruto, you just don't understand what it takes to be a man, do you? When you see a hot woman, you have to announce your presence and ogle her! Like this!" Jiraiya's eyes bugged out at Kurenai's bosoms. "Oooh hoo hoo hoo! Big guns!"

Kurenai rolled her eyes again. "My goodness."

Naruto shouted, "Jiraiya-sensei, you're gross!"

"Oh, come on, Naruto!" Jiraiya gestured to Kurenai's rack. "Don't tell me that you don't find this to be such a wondrous sight!"

Naruto turned beet red as he turned to look at Kurenai's twin mountains. "Well, I... you know, I'm not interested in such things yet... I think..." He swallowed hard. "Well, I guess it isn't so bad - "

A bleated wail from Hinata. "Narutokun!"

"Waaaah!" Naruto fell over when he realized that Hinata was practically standing right next to him. "Hinata! What are you doing here??"

"NARUTOKUN!" Hinata was crying openly now. "You dirty dirty boy, I can't believe you were checking out my teacher, of all people!"

Naruto stammered, "Hinata, wait, I couldn't help it, they're so big - no, wait! That's not what I meant to say - "

"SHUT UP!" Hinata screamed as she threw her scuba gear off Jiraiya's head. "I hate you! You corrupted my dear Narutokun!"

"Ow," Jiraiya rubbed his head. "That kinda hurt."

Hinata hurled her rubber dorsal fin off Kurenai's head now. "And I hate you, Kurenai sensei! How dare you have bigger boobs than I do??"

Kurenai blinked. "Wait, Hinata! You don't understand, I HAVE to wear a bathing suit, that's what lifeguards wear - "

"I don't care! I hate all of you! Except for you, Narutokun. I'm just angry at you right now, that's all."

Kurenai called out to Hinata, but the Hyuuga girl did not listen as she ran away. She accidentally ran into Itachi, and she shouted, "Out of my way!" as she shoved the stoned guy to the ground.

"Heyyyyyyy." Itachi was surprised to find himself sitting on the ground, all of a sudden. "Dude, what's her problem?"

...........................................

A madly crying Hinata stomped down the sidewalk, swearing revenge on that nasty old man Jiraiya. She wasn't really mad at Kurenai sensei, after all, it wasn't Kurenai's fault that her boobs were so big. And it certainly wasn't Narutokun's fault, Narutokun was the sweetest boy ever!

But still, Hinata felt lousy, and she wanted to feel better about herself. As she stomped along her way, she was now saying to herself, "I'll show everyone that I can be a sexy woman, just like Kurenai sensei! I swear, the FIRST boy that I meet on this sidewalk, I will kiss him, ask him out on a date, and then I will seduce him! Yeah, that's what I will do! I'll show everyone that i can be as sexy as anyone - "

"Hey Hinata, what's up?"

"Huh?" Hinata looked up to see that fat ugly guy Akimichi Choji standing in front of her with a can of Pringles in his hands. "Choji?"

"Hey Hinata, you okay? You look like you've been crying."

"Ah, I'm okay, Choji, really, I am!" Hinata ran away before he could say another word. "Bye bye!"

Choji blinked as he stuffed another Pringle into his mouth. "Huh?"

Hinata hurried along, thinking to herself, "Okay, okay, I changed my mind, I swear, the SECOND boy that I meet on this sidewalk, I will kiss him, ask him out on a date, and then I will seduce him! Yeah, that's what I