FicWad

For the people who have slipped away from me....

Chapter 5 - Are You Beginning To Get My Point? Co-Written with CeCe ( cclovela )

It was probably routine, routine for them to be sitting diagonally opposite Sue and that (damned) note pad of hers. Either that or they'd emotionally surrendered to the fact that this woman was trained to get into their head's, and thus their marriage, and just tear it up. Tear it up like a dysfunctional lawn mower on that picket fence lawn in that nice suburban town called Quaints-ville.

"Tell me about...." Sue asked, pondering over her notes,

"The significant things that you feel have happening within your marriage over the last 4-5 years..." She finished , it being a very good point of discussion, so why weren't any of them answering...

"Patrick's music career." Shay smiled, Patrick mirrored her smile habitually...Uncomfortably.

"But what about within you marriage?" Sue asked, defining that question for a more meaningful response.

"I think the children." Patrick said back dreamily, his eyes were glazed over slightly, maybe it was the endless book case that walled her room.

Shay nodded.

"Moving to this part of Chicago." She added, Patrick nodded.

"Those are very significant things!" Sue smiled at them both.

"Shay, you mentioned Patrick' music career as being something significant within your marriage, why is that?"

Shay frowned slightly, not knowing why she'd asked, wasn't it obvious?

"I guess because it's something huge for him." She said.

"And he is everything I have. And the children..." She added, really not wanting that 'Bad Mother' titled just yet, she wanted Rory to have started High School before she got to that stage..

"That's a very honest response."

"It's the truth." Shay added, glancing at Patrick, checking he was OK with the admission shed just made.

Unfulfilled she wrote down.

Sue changed position in her chair, indicating a change of topic or change of direction.

"How have you found the sessions so far?" She asked, brightening the subject.

"They've helped!" Patrick enthused.

"Don't you think they've helped?" he asked Shay, seeing her less than positive response.

"I do! I just -" She stopped and pushed her hands harder into her lap.

"We're talking better!....and...and last night!" he said, she blushed furiously. Was he forgetting the strange woman being paid to listen?

"What were you expecting out of it Shay?" Sue asked, resting her hands on her lap, implying this could be 'off the record'.

"I was expecting to feel different." She responded.

"And you don't?" She furthered her exploration.

"I don't know what I feel!" She snapped, taking them both by surprise.

"Patrick - would you mind if I had 10 minutes with Shay?"

He stood up from his chair and leaned down to Shay, softly kissing her head and walking out.

"You know, when I first had you both in here, it was Patrick playing hard to crack, now it's you. I don't even have a problem with it, so don't think it irritates me because it doesn't." She said, ensuring Shay that if this was a bid to push this woman away from her, it wasn't going to work.

"Shay...." She said, leaning forward in her chair and coming closer to her 'subject'.

"If you want everything out of this marriage, you need to be honest and not with me, and not with Patrick...with yourself!" She said softly, Shay glanced at her now. Sue had seen that look many times.

"I stopped doing that a long time ago." Shay whispered, Sue stared at her hard, reading her body language, watching her eyes, how they were bright in colour but just so, so sad.

"At what point?" she asked.

"After Natalie..."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure I know why....things just became different after having her"

"Different as in how?"

"As in everything!" She snapped again.

"Shay, listen.....was it something physical? Something emotional? Both?" Sue probed with a warm gentle tone.

"Both....I didn't have an easy birth with her, Patrick was on tour, he managed to get home for it but...." She trailed off.

"That must have been difficult for you."

Shay nodded and squeezed her lips together firmly, quashing back any tears. She'd given up a long time ago crying over it.

"It was difficult for Patrick ."




"Can't you do something to help her??" Patrick asked the female Dr impatiently, Shay's head hit the pillow and she silently bore the pain of her contractions.

"Mr Stump-"

"She shouldn't be in this much pain!" he interrupted her. Shay gripped Patrick's hand with so much might and her teeth grit together as she bore down hard.

"Patrick..." She gasped, exhausted. Her hot hand touched his face firmly.

"Everything's OK!" she said, catching her breath. His eyes didn't believe her.

It had only been 5 hours of labour, but they were strong, unproductive contractions.

Patrick pushed the hair off his wife's forehead and her brows were furrowed with the consistent pain she was going through.

For Patrick, the next 10 hours were the worst in his life. Shay slowly withdrew any contact with him at all as she concentrated on channelling all her energy on the labour. He stood by the Midwife and Nurse as they did their best to make her comfortable, encouraging Shay with every contraction to push but she was exhausted.

"I can't do it..." she said gently.

"Come on Shay - Give all your energy to it, it's not long to go!" The midwife encouraged her, Shay shook her head.

"No...No..." she said, laying back and closing her eyes.

"Shay you have to push!" Patrick blurted out but Shay ignored him.

"Mr Stump..." The nurse said gently.

He stared at Shay as she closed her eyes tight and willed the pain away.

With the assistance from drugs to help, Shay finally pushed her 2nd baby girl into the world, both parents looked on adoringly, she'd been worth all the pain, all the tears, the obscene procedures that she'd had to undergo.

Then Shay cried, she held her daughter and cried. The deepest sense of regret was when Patrick held her, she saw how he just loved her without question, only being a few hours old.

She slept the majority of the night and the next day, waking up to a room full of visitors.

Patrick's mom was holding Natalie and it made Shay smile, the door opened , Joe and Pete walking in with a huge bunch of flowers and balloons. Shay smiled and bit her bottom lip as she took the flowers from Pete, he leaned and kissed her temple.

"Congratulations!" he smiled, she smiled back and tried to sit up a little. Joe then leaned and kissed her cheek.

"Another Stump to help Ric with his take over of the world!" Joe said, she laughed and found herself looking at Pete again.

Patrick's mom handed the tiny yellow bundle to Pete and his eyes fell over the sleeping newborn.

"Shay, she's beautiful!" he whispered, he sat down next to her and she sat up and looked at her again. Natalie squirmed slightly, her delicate fingers poking out the blanket and it made him smile even more.

"God..." he said, shaking his head slightly, Shay touched her nose gently. Pete looked at her and Shay noted the tears in his eyes.

"She's perfect!" he said.

"I know!" she smiled.

"I want a go!" Joe whined.

Now they all watched Joe hold her. With heightened ( criminal? ) suspicion.

Shay looked at Pete again, this time, only a tiny smile and he stared at her for a few moments, then squeezed her hand gently, she smiled and looked down.







"What sort of things changed in your relationship with Patrick after Natalie was born?" Sue inquired.

It was common for relationships to change after having a child. It was almost expected.

"I don't know. Just things," Shay muttered.

Sue sat back in her chair. This was frustrating, Sue was there to help and it seemed as though Shay was now focusing on being as difficult as possible to undo. It wasn't unusual to be a scapegoat in the therapeutic setting, but Sue wasn't entirely sure where this mood was coming from and that's what was getting difficult.

It was more than obvious that Shay was hiding something.

Guilt? she noted down carelessly.

"Why don't we allow Patrick to come back inside," Sue offered.

Patrick walked in timidly. He didn't know what was discussed and frankly it made him a little bit nervous.

"Patrick, how would you describe your relationship with Shay after Natalie was born," Sue asked getting right down to the point.

She had been meeting with Shay and Patrick long enough that this was appropriate. There was no need to beat around the bush or to build anymore rapport that they hadn't already. It was time to get to some business.

Patrick looked confused. He glanced over at Shay who was staring down into her hands.

"Things were different," he said slowly.

"Different how so?" Sue asked. She had hoped that Patrick would be more honest with her than Shay was.

"Well, it wasn't a very nice time, Shay had a hard time with the birth, there was....complications. After Natalie.....She wasn't as.../physical / as she had been before," Patrick said searching for the right words to say.

Sue nodded showing that she understood what Patrick was getting at.

"What about you though, did you find yourself having difficulties after the birth?" Sue asked.

"Um ....well, I guess I had a hard time understanding why my wife didn't want me to touch her anymore, so yeah. I tried to be understanding, but it was hard, ya know?" he said shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"So the difficulties that you /had with the birth of Natalie were directed towards the difficulties that /Shay had and not yourself?" Sue asked.

"I'm not gonna lie, it was definitely eye-opening for me to be there for Natalie's birth, but if anything, it only made me love Shay that much more," Patrick smiled and looked over at Shay.

Shay hadn't lifted her head and concentrated deeply on her hands in front of her. Patrick gave her a slightly confused look.

Sue looked over at Shay as well trying to figure out what was going on in her head. Shay was now being avoidant and trying to separate herself from the rest of the people in the room. Silence filled the room and Shay knew that the other two people occupying it were staring at her. She didn't want to be there anymore. She just wanted to go home. This was the longest fifty minutes of her life.

"Shay? What do you think about what Patrick just said?" Sue asked breaking the silence.

"Do we have to go over this?" Shay interrupted, they both looked to the weak voice who had spoken.

"Shay..." Sue said, using that hideously gentle comforting tone.

"I need to understand what happened in order to help you both get back what ever it is that you lost...." She explained.

Shay's arms folded tightly in-between her elbows before her.

"What's to understand?! I mean - really! All you need to know is, the birth was horrible and it was Patrick that changed after - not me!" she snapped.

"No, Shay!" Patrick frowned

"You changed!" She argued, with that, she stood up and walked to the other side of the room.

This was great progress, Sue wanted it out of Shay's system, whatever it was, it had to come out.

Patrick was exasperated, he didn't know how to respond to something that, frankly, sounded like an accusation.

"You never touched me the same...." She said sadly, looking over the books on the shelf absently.

Sue glanced at Patrick.

"Of course I did-"

"-No!! No you didn't! See?! You don't even know, you can't even see it!" She blurted out, her voice was firm and it echoed the pent up pressure in her chest.

"Patrick..." Sue said gently, diverting his attention back to her and not his distanced Wife.

"It's frighteningly common for partners to distance themselves after the birth of a baby.....You witness the most happiest and possibly most frightening things in your life! Maybe this is what Shay is experiencing." She said, Patrick didn't object, his eyes were just marred with sadness.

"I didn't mean to!" he said with a frown.

Shay turned and looked at him. She put her head in her hands and unexpectedly began crying.

Patrick rushed up out of his chair and over to where she stood, putting his arms around her.

"I never meant to treat you different, I would never want to hurt you - I love you!" he said, close to tears himself.

Sue couldn't help but smile to herself. Patrick took bad news well, he opened up over the grey areas. But her smile diminished slightly as she pondered over Shay's deterioration. Unaware of it, she was withdrawing rapidly and refusing to explore the under current of rapid emotions she was enduring.



I note the difficulties that Shay experienced after a hard child birth. Emotions were fairly reactive ( to Patrick's withdrawal of affection ) however, I am uncertain this is the root of the problem. I cannot afford to force the issue but the counselling has inevitably left her exposed to a demon she is not ready to deal with...

Patrick is flourishing in the sessions, his speech patterns show his ambition to make a success of this. He has surprised me with his honesty and I note too the changes he is making with regard to his children.

I am desperate to make this work for them both, I am fond of them both for individual reasons. Love isn't like a bike, you can't always get back on when you've fallen off....