For starts let me say I finally got through this after trying once before. There are so many reasons I could have stopped I just don't remember.
Is English not your first language? If its not please disregard this part as for a non native speaker it was very well done. If English is your first language... Have you never heard of proof reading? How bout spell check? For the first 30 chapters give or take EVERY TIME you meant of course, you put of cause. There were aboutna dozen others that I had to make a guess at what you meant.
Part 2 punctuation. It was a good try to put in accents on letters when dealing with foreign words or some that crossedmthe divide. But since you never checked your work after itmwas published you couldn't have known that most of the words in the font you chose, never made it so random letters got added in. The first Delacour girl, Martier? I'm guessing as when I read it I saw it with an accent over the a followed by the copywrite mark.
3. Consistency. OK there is no excuse for this. Pick a topic follow it through, not hard but you jumped around so often I'm not sure what the side plots were and what the over arching plot was. If it really was just to get as many girls into Harry's bed fine just say so, if not why stir up the goblins and then just forget about them? Or the re staffing of Hogwarts? The demons? The royals? Malfoys marriage? Again just a lot of stuff kind got forgotten about.
4 Timing. When your first beta read over this it was clear you had focus and a goal, and the days progressed, but when the new beta takes over there is an obvious continuity error because by the days I counted the story should be well into September but your only time mentioning how much time has pasted says it was 10 days, and that was when the new beta took over. When the goblins interrupted all the marriages there was 2 weeks left in august, just saying.
5. Personal bitch. Harry let's Hermione and Gabrielle off entirely to easily after they defied him. Hermione endangered lives for no good reason because she wanted to argue about morality DURING the battle. And the Gabrielle RAPES HARRY. Arousal does not equal consent and it is possible forma woman to rape a man, no still means no. But because it happens provide a useful benefit he keeps fucking the 10 year old.
6. Chapter 70. What ever you normally do to your chapter is wasma dozen times worse.
Look the story had potential, that's why I read it them first time and even came back to it. But the fact is these disconnects are amazingly hard to get through
Cullyn