Review for The Bass Files

The Bass Files

(#) Ithilwen 2006-10-02

If this is a girl band then what is Andy doing there? Shouldn't the protagonist be wondering about that?

Much less slow than chapter one. The sarcasm is starting to fill in the character voice.

Telling the readers that there's a change in POV isn't really necessary. The scene break does the trick just fine.

He's trying to kick level "seven's" ass.

Author's response

Andy is not in the band. He´s Joyce´s brother and lives there.

Thanks for noticing the sarcasm.

Ok. In fact, I´m not happy with the change in POV. I just wanted to point out to the readers that Andy is impressed and not just telling Sheena that she´s good because he wants to be nice. So he had to say it without her being around and that´s when the limits of an I-narrator kick in.

Alright, that mistake is pretty embarrassing again. ;)

Thanks again for your criticism. That´s something I can actually work with. :) Don´t feel obliged to read the rest of the crap but do feel invited to do so if you really care. I´m fine with it either way.
This silly controversy has actually increased my readership. ;)