Wait, Hedwig was waiting at Gringrotts after delivering his letter? That was two mouth previous! Hedwig did not return to Harry for two months?
“Watching the creature with an eagle’s eye to make sure it didn’t do anything strange.” It was stated in the previous chapter that he trusted goblins. Why would he keep an eye on the goblin to make sure he didn't do anything strange if he trusted them as he claimed?
“GripHook?” What's with this spelling? The previous chapter had it as “Griphook” (the correct way and yet now the “h” is capitalized for some reason.
“...as the chair she sat in didn’t seem to compress at all under her toned ass.” What. The. Hell? Seriously? “The chair didn't compress under her toned ass”? That has got to be the lamest line I have ever read! Not only is it hilariously stupid, but it makes no sense whatsoever. How could Harry see the ass if she's sitting behind a desk?
‘Just because she’s pretty doesn’t mean you should trust her.’ Again Harry has trust issues with the goblin after trusting them completely.
I'm just going to stop here and give up. Bad fic is bad.