This is lovely! I thought you captured both characters well. The structure of the fic was suitable too. The only little niggling thing was the overusage of in-text Japanese translation, which got a little distracting. However, some of it did add to the feel of authencity of the fic. :)
Author's response
thank you! maybe i would have time to fix it someday to make it less distracting, but thank you! glad you liked it :)