FicWad

First, let me say that I like your story arc. You have quite a lot of interesting ideas and I am enjoying the tale you are telling quite a bit.

Now on to serious editorial issues;

1. Any time there is a homonym (words that sound the same as another word) you consistently use the wrong one. (ceiling vs. sealing for instance) There are too many instances for me to enumerate here, but you can significantly improve your writing skills by consulting a dictionary or thesaurus whenever you run into these words.

2. To vs. too. Again, I have noticed a consistent misuse of the word "to" in htis fic. "To" is short for "toward." it indicates movement, either physical or conceptual.
"Too" has 2 meanings. A: "Also" or "as well." as in; "If you go, I will go too." B: Too indicates an excessive quantity, as in "too many." This is a common error in English, and an easy one to fix, just remember that if there is 'something extra' in the sentence then there is an extra 'o' in the "too".

3. Though vs. thought: Throughout the fic the word "though" is consistently used where "thought" is the appropriate word.
"Though" is an abbreviation of "although" while "thought" indicates mental activity. Again, the dictionary is your friend. I know, I have read it. (What a total geek, eh?)

4. writing perspective: There are several places where your perspective changes, the standard in most fiction (wnd in most of your writing) is past tense; "He ran into the room, and attacked the enemy." occasionally, you switch into present tense; "He runs into the room and attacks the enemy."
Usually this switch is only for a few sentences, then you go back to the normal way. It's something to watch out for because the switch feels awkward to the reader.

Do you have a beta? If you need one, I can help, but I'll give you fair warning that I'm busy and it may take a week or 2 to get your corrected copy back to you. (Notice in the above sentence both uses of "to" indicating first, conceptual movement, then physical movement.)

Please do not be offended, I intend this as constructive criticism to help you improve your writing, I'm not trying to sound like an ass.

Thanks again for sharing your story with us.