FicWad: fresh-picked original and fan fiction

Very entertaining so far! I'm really enjoying the internal dialogues--several of them have made me giggle out loud. Poor Daisuke...he's so clueless, and everyone knows it except for him! I'm looking forward to reading the other chapters tomorrow, after I've had some sleep.

You use a whole lot of ellipses in your dialogue, which seems to work really well for the internal stuff, but for the actual spoken dialogue, it's a little distracting to see ".....," said Hiwatari-kun. It might make the reading a little smoother if some of them were converted to descriptive phrases instead.

It might just be that I'm tired and misunderstanding things, but this is a little confusing: /but the main difference between Dark and Hiwatari was that the former was content to make a daily trek to admire something beautiful in a museum or gallery, whereas Dark saw something beautiful as a logical reason to remove it somewhere where he could enjoy it all to himself.
/

"The former" would mean Dark, but isn't Hiwatari the one who's "content to make a daily trek"? If that's the case, switching the order of the names would fix that.

Overall, it's looking like a great story--I can't wait to read the rest!