FicWad

Thank God You’re Here: Harry Potter and the Horny Mermaids

by Big D

Disclaimer: Not Mine. No Profit. No Shit.

Challenge: As part of his round trip of the world following his graduation from Hogwarts, Harry ends up on the islands of Greece, searching for the Black Lake's more beautiful cousins. Warning: naked mermaids. Many of them.
Length: However long you like.
Limit: No-one seems to keep to this anyway, so meh.

AN: The story is called “Harry Potter and the Horny Mermaids”... what more explanation do you need? Blame/thank Taure for coming up with the challenge.

---------------------------


Harry looked doubtfully into the crystal clear water. “This better not be another fucking manatee, Neville,” he griped.

Neville gave him a friendly wack on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that again... probably.”

“I swear, Neville... If I wake up with another goddamned manatee in my bed, you and I are going to have words!”

Neville threw up his hands. “One time! One time, and you won’t shut up about it! Would you rather go back to Ginny?”

Harry shuddered. “Better the manatee than that,” he muttered.

“Exactly! So you ready to do this thing, or not?”

Harry stripped off his shirt and cast a Bubblehead Charm over his face. “Are you sure they won’t eat us?”

“Pretty sure,” Neville replied, doing the same. He produced a white clay jar from a bag at his feet, opened the top and applied some of the greenish cream inside to the upper part of his chest. “This stuff drives them crazy. Stimulates the mating instinct and suppresses the feeding instinct. At least it’s supposed to.”

Harry took the jar and peered into it before spreading it across his own chest. “What’s in it?”

Neville stopped and made a disgusted face. “Better if you don’t know.”

Harry knew better than to ignore that advice. Ignoring good advice was what had gotten him into this mess. Had he paid more attention to Xenophilius Lovegood when he had the chance, he would have known that, in the Wizarding World, betrothal vows magically bound a man against cheating... on pain of castration. And had he paid more attention to his eyes, he would have known that his petite, lovely fiancé would blow up like a whale the second he slipped an engagement ring onto her finger... all he needed to do was look at her mother.

Luckily, old Xeno had known an artful, if rather extreme dodge to those pesky rules. It seemed that sex with partial-humans didn’t officially count as adultery so far as the Laws of Magic went. So Harry had grabbed up Neville, who was more than willing to drop his Advanced Herbology studies for a few months to go on an adventure, not to mention very sympathetic to Harry’s plight (“Bloody hell, mate, she can hardly fit through a door! I wouldn’t ask any man to put up with that for the rest of his life.”), along with a map that had been passed down among the Lovegood males for several generations, showing where to find the hidden lairs of various shaggable she-creatures all over the world (Turns out that Xeno’s obsession with fantastic beasts had very little to do with scientific research!), and then told Ginny that he was off to fetch a loaf of bread and would be back in a trice.

That had been three months ago.

In the time since, he had marked veelas, centaurs, nagas, dryads, werewolves, ghosts, goblins (turned out that the females were much more attractive than the males), hags (those were just as ugly as everyone said, but he had been very drunk at the time), harpies, unicorns (the centaurs had wetted his appetite for horsetail), and one very surprised but ultimately pleased demoness off his list (not to mention the aforementioned manatee). Now he was in the market for a little mermaid kabob, with his own personal basilisk as the skewer.

But not the nasty freshwater mermaids like they had at Hogwarts. No, it was the far more succulent saltwater version that lived around the Greek Isles that he was after. The good ones, like sailors used to drown themselves for. Luckily, that wasn’t going to be a problem for him. He flashed a thumbs up at Neville, who grinned and returned it. Together, they stood on the rail of the yacht that Harry had rented, then dove off the side. They hit the water with a huge pair of splashes, and after double-checking that each other were okay, swam off in opposite directions.

After all, just because you don’t mind going fishing with your good mate didn’t mean that you wanted to share your catch, or watch him eat his.

Harry grinned. Fish puns for mermaids were cheesy, but fun!

He kicked his legs behind him, pushing himself towards an outcropping of rocks about a hundred yards from the boat. According to Xeno, the mermaids liked to sun themselves in places like that, but hid when people approached. They would gladly capture and devour (in a non-fun way) a single sailor, but shied away from groups. He looked for shadows near the bottom that would indicate a cave or depression where one might be hiding, and headed for a likely spot.

She smelled him before he saw her. Or at least she smelled the potion he was wearing. There was a distinctly... alive rustling in the long plants that surrounded the mouth of the cave, and suddenly a beautiful face appeared between the strands of seaweed. Her skin was dark, almost Arabian, but her eyes shone unnaturally, like burnished gold coins. For a moment, Harry thought that the huge halo of gently waving green hair that surrounded her was more seaweed, but it was the wrong color... deeper... more like rippling emeralds than plants.

Abruptly, she shot out of her hiding place and swam towards him, crossing the twenty yards that separated them in the blink of an eye. Harry didn’t have a chance to do anything other than gasp before she was upon him. She swam towards his feet, and then swept upwards, close enough that the dark tips of her full breasts rubbed against his stomach and chest as she rose to stare into his eyes. She flashed him a surprisingly mischievous smile, then darted over his shoulder and circled ‘round him like a cat, her body brushing against his seemingly everywhere at once, her fingers reaching out to tweak and caress his bare flesh where the swimming trunks didn’t cover him.

She slid smoothly between his legs, looking up at him from below for a split second, before her hands shot out and grasped his bathing suit, yanking it down his legs and leaving him totally nude. Harry grinned and shifted his body towards her, but she fluttered just out of arms length as he reached for her. With a distasteful flick of her wrist, she tossed away his trunks, then took a deep breath (which did things to her chest that should be registered as an Unforgivable) and let out a sound that Harry felt more than heard. It seemed to melt through his skin and vibrate his bones in a pleasant, almost intoxicating manner.

That was when he realized they weren’t alone.

From seemingly everywhere more mermaids began to appear. They erupted from behind rocks and shadows. Every weed seemed to hide another two or three. Rising out of the muck of the seabed itself, shaking the mud from their lush bodies, hundreds of them made their presence known. Every possible skin tone and body type seemed to be represented, and each had a distinct shade of wildly colored, impossibly long hair. From neon pink that almost seemed brighter than the filtered sunlight above, to strands of pure, shining silver, like a mirror given life. The only thing that they had in common was that each one of them was impossibly, unbelievably gorgeous.

Well, that and the fact that they all had fish butts, but Harry wasn’t about to hold that against them. After all, it was still sexier than Ginny.

They descended on him all at once, a flood of fishy femininity that battled with each other to touch, stroke, taste, and fondle him. He felt something steaming hot and almost painfully tight surround his cock and found his eyes filled with a pale, delicately featured face, ringed with a riot of deep purple hair. He glanced down and saw that she had somehow managed to bull her way through the crowd and impale herself on his erection, and was grinding herself into him with admirable enthusiasm and vigor.

Her entrance was nestled into the “V” where her fish and human bodies came together, higher than a human woman’s and facing forward to accommodate the fact that she had no legs to spread, but otherwise it felt just as it should. Harry began to thrust back at her, but found himself frustrated when the mob of randy sea wenches around them got their act together enough to pull her off of him.

Luckily, her place at his groin was replaced almost instantaneously by the warm mouth of a new mermaid, this one with dark blue hair and a face that looked young enough to get him tossed in Azkaban for the next ten years, had she been human, who quickly suckled and stroked him to completion. He exploded almost violently down her welcoming throat, and she was still swallowing and grinning happily as her sisters pulled her away and she disappeared into the mass of buoyant breasts and nubile flesh.

It continued like that for Harry didn’t even know how long, his body being used as a plaything by the sisters of the sea, and him enjoying every minute of it. He came more times than he could count, thanking whatever power might be listening for the revitalizing and strengthening potions he had consumed back on the yacht, without which he likely would have died from sheer exhaustion by now.

Only a few moments stuck in his memory, like the point where one mermaid had his erection nestled between her bountiful breasts and was tonging the tip lovingly while several of her sisters had cuddled close and managed to impale themselves on his fingers. He flexed the relevant muscles, and was rewarded with shuddering climaxes all around, including his own.

It was long past dark when he finally dragged himself back onto the boat and flashed a contented smile at Neville, who crossed his arms angrily and didn’t say a word. There were a number of chairs on the deck, but for some reason Neville remained standing.

“What happened to you,” Harry finally managed to wheeze out.

“Mer... MEN!!!” Neville snapped. “I couldn’t find anything but a bunch of mer-men!” He muttered something disgustedly under his breath, then turned and limped painfully towards the helm.

Harry shrugged tiredly at his friend’s back. “What can I say, mate? Sometimes you drop your line in the right place and you just get lucky.”

(End)

AN: I kinda feel sorry for Neville, but once I thought of that ending I couldn’t resist.