Categories > Movies > Pirates of the Caribbean
Parturiency
1 ReviewsElizabeth can't decide whether or not she should keep her new title. Jack helps her make up her mind. Will/Elizabeth, vaguely implied Barbossa/Jack, spoilers for all three films.
"Parturiency"
by Street Howitzer
"I feel so /conflicted,/" Elizabeth said, resting her chin against her hand. "I've only just become the Pirate King, not to mention the Lord of Singapore. It wouldn't be right to turn down what Sao Feng gave me--and I've no idea who I'd give the Lordship over to, or how that's even done. And all the same, what if I can't get back to land on the right day? And... well, there's the child to consider, and..."
She trailed off entirely. Normally, the man she was addressing could not keep his gold-stained mouth shut for more than twelve seconds, but Jack hadn't said anything in at least twice that time. She lifted her chin from her hand, turning her gaze from the open ocean to the captain, just to make sure that he was still alive, or even standing there. He might have chosen to scuttle off at the vaguest hint of her discussing womanly issues, and anything that came out of her mouth--anything that wasn't directly related to piracy--might be dismissed as such.
But, no--there Jack stood, although he had shuffled back a step from her since last she'd looked. He was leaning away from her, his back arched like a scimitar, his smoked eyes wide with what she took to be honest fear. He looked as if he had, at last, smelled something that actually reeked worse than himself, and was trying to quietly get away from it before he choked to death.
"... Jack, are you even listening to--"
"What'd' you mean, 'child'?" His voice had risen three octaves since she'd last heard it.
Elizabeth shifted her feet. Ah, yes. That was a silly thing for her to forget--but, then, with how heavily her newly-discovered condition was anchored to every thought in her brain, she'd begun to believe that everyone else was likewise dwelling on her plight. This was not, precisely, how she'd planned on breaking the news to him (or anyone else), but there was no time like the present, was there? "I'm sorry, Jack... I thought I'd told you. It's, well. I'm expecting."
"Oh, no, love." He pressed his palms together, as if he were praying for release, and took another clear step back from her. "We ain't never done the thing what makes one of those--you are not hanging your soon-to-be-parous condition 'round my poor neck. I've had enough nooses there, thanks."
Elizabeth pondered whether or not it might be against the Code to try to kill a pirate captain on the deck of his own ship. She might be able to get away with it--Barbossa was captain of the Pearl half the time, anymore, and to hear him tell it, he was only permitting Jack to behave like a captain the rest of the time--so long as Sparrow still hid the map to the Water of Life. At the same time, Barbossa might have her keel-hauled for the crime; he was unpredictable, at best, in his opinions on whether Jack should be killed. Perhaps it was best not to risk it. She had two to think about, now, and not just herself.
"I know it isn't yours!" she snapped instead, crossing her arms over her loose jacket. She could feel the slightest curve of her stomach beneath her clothes--nothing that even her gawking comrades, who were altogether thrilled at the presence of a woman on deck, would have noted yet. "If it was your offspring, I'd be hitting myself in the stomach."
Relief passed like a soothing hand over Jack's face. He favored her with a glittering smile, and by stepping back up to the banister beside her. "If he were any child of mine, he'd hit you back."
She rolled her eyes, and deigned no direct reply. She did not want to argue with Jack; although that was normally an entertaining diversion from the tedium of her work on the /Pearl/, it would keep her from what she wanted to speak with him about. No, she didn't truly wish to speak to him, of all men, about her troubles, but there wasn't another man on this ship who she could truly talk to. Jack couldn't be trusted, and he didn't trust her, but at the least, he'd known Will (and her heart ached at the mere thought of his name!). He might understand, if only because of that.
Instead, she said, "No, the child is Will's. And I don't know what to do about it."
Jack gave the appearance of thinking about this. He proved that appearances were, in fact, deceiving a moment later: "There's always rum."
"Unless it's gone. I don't care much for rum, besides, and you know it."
"That is one of your finest qualities, I'll admit. The less you drink, the more there is for me."
"Stop changing the subject." She wondered if Sao Feng's choice of heir was truly wise; anyone who'd speak to Jack Sparrow about a life decision couldn't be cunning enough to deserve a pirate Lordship. "It's just... I don't feel right about being with child on a ship, you know?"
"Not at all."
"I don't mean if you literally know, just that... well, I'm not going to be able to work very hard when I get bigger, am I? And I can't very well give birth on a ship. There's no one in the crew who's got even a passing familiarity with midwifery. Aside from that, I'm not certain that a den of pirates would be the safest place to rear a child--"
"That's piffle," Jack said. He tilted his head, and bestowed a gold-studded smirk upon her. "Ain't no safer place for anyone in the Caribbean than behind the business ends of our cannon. With that scherzo della natura, Beckett, sweetly sizzling away in Hell, we've got no worries of being overtaken, love. 'course, if you did have a--a chi-yald on deck, you'd have to worry plenty about Hector. I think he eats Christian babes. Were I you, I wouldn't get whatever squalling thing I dropped a baptism."
"You're rambling, Jack."
He gave her a piqued glare. "I know that. 's one of my great talents, along with captaining, pillaging, and--"
"And getting yourself eaten by monstrous squid."
"That was just the once, actually, and it's not something I intend to do an encore for." Still, the very mention of the kraken--dead or no, rotting on some god-forsaken beach or no--had the same effect on him as a cold glass of water tossed in his face. Just the sort of effect she wanted to have.
"I'm being serious. I don't know what to do, and I would like some sort of advice. Or, I suppose, whatever passes for advice when it comes to you."
"Ah!" The captain of the Pearl stroked his fingers over his mustache, and curved up one of its tips. She guessed that this was one of Jack's many ways of appearing thoughtful. "Well, Lizabeth, I hasn't exactly given birth too often in my time on Earth, although trying to direct this particular band of tricksters, hatters and back-stabbers is rather like trying to parent a pack of whelps. I can say that it is possible, however, to give birth on a pirate ship, as my mum herself could tell you. You know, if she weren't hanging on me belt-buckle."
Elizabeth did not even attempt to think about what that last bizarre statement was supposed to mean. As it came from Sparrow, it could mean anything at all. "Your mother... she was gone with you, and on a ship at the same time?"
"That she was. Even worked on deck, right up until the eighth month; she only stopped on account of her making the rest of the crew fearful that she'd drop me straight out by accident. It's hard to think of your work if you're also plotting on trying to grab the captain's baby before his brains get dashed out on the deck, savvy?"
"I can only imagine."
"Leastways, you could hang about until you're closer to dropping your load. Gibbs will be horrified, like as not, but he's always been a tinder sort. You've got your speck of ocean back 'round Singapore to look after, and someone else might try to take your Lordship in your maternal absences."
For a moment, Elizabeth smiled--in spite of how gruff and twisted Jack was, that last sounded distinctly like he was concerned. It only took her a moment, though, to think it through, and realize what he was actually saying. Her smile disappeared, like a curl of smoke in a stiff wind. "And you'd be highly concerned if you had to deal with a new Lord, is that it? One who you didn't set up yourself?"
"I'm not too fond of change, love."
"I'm sure." Rolling her eyes, she turned her gaze away from Jack, and stared back out over the ocean. It wouldn't be so bad, raising her child out here, would it? It had been just the thing she'd wanted herself, back when she'd been a little girl--back when, every time she stepped on a gangplank, she'd silently hoped that she'd never have to leave it again. Her head had always been filled with romantic tales of pirates and hidden treasure (well, treasure that wasn't cursed gold, or still-beating hearts). It would be better for her child, if it were raised around the real thing, and never harbored any similar delusions.
"I don't know what you're stewing so bloody hot over this, anywise." Jack sauntered up and leaned his back and both elbows against the banister, letting him look aimlessly up at the bald, barren sky. Quiet as it was at the moment, she could hear the soft clitter of beads and coins woven into his hair as it swayed in the breeze. Elizabeth counted herself lucky that he was downwind of her for the moment. "Rearin' a little one ain't so hard. Squeezing 'em out ain't even so hard, from what I been told. Why, my mum brought me forth in the midst of a typhoon, and kept me on deck with her all the time--and look how I turned out!"
She turned and stared at Jack for a moment, her jaw sprung open, her eyebrows lifted to an incredulous angle. He didn't notice; he was a bit busy staring up at nothing, and running his tongue over his teeth, as if he cared about whether or not there might be food caught between them. She thought of replying, until it occurred to her that, without realizing it, Jack might have finally given her some useful advice on how to handle her particular problem.
"Barbossa?" she said, pushing away from the banister and immediately walking--no, /running/--for the helm. "Barbossa, take me back to shore as soon as is humanly possible!"
-end-
by Street Howitzer
"I feel so /conflicted,/" Elizabeth said, resting her chin against her hand. "I've only just become the Pirate King, not to mention the Lord of Singapore. It wouldn't be right to turn down what Sao Feng gave me--and I've no idea who I'd give the Lordship over to, or how that's even done. And all the same, what if I can't get back to land on the right day? And... well, there's the child to consider, and..."
She trailed off entirely. Normally, the man she was addressing could not keep his gold-stained mouth shut for more than twelve seconds, but Jack hadn't said anything in at least twice that time. She lifted her chin from her hand, turning her gaze from the open ocean to the captain, just to make sure that he was still alive, or even standing there. He might have chosen to scuttle off at the vaguest hint of her discussing womanly issues, and anything that came out of her mouth--anything that wasn't directly related to piracy--might be dismissed as such.
But, no--there Jack stood, although he had shuffled back a step from her since last she'd looked. He was leaning away from her, his back arched like a scimitar, his smoked eyes wide with what she took to be honest fear. He looked as if he had, at last, smelled something that actually reeked worse than himself, and was trying to quietly get away from it before he choked to death.
"... Jack, are you even listening to--"
"What'd' you mean, 'child'?" His voice had risen three octaves since she'd last heard it.
Elizabeth shifted her feet. Ah, yes. That was a silly thing for her to forget--but, then, with how heavily her newly-discovered condition was anchored to every thought in her brain, she'd begun to believe that everyone else was likewise dwelling on her plight. This was not, precisely, how she'd planned on breaking the news to him (or anyone else), but there was no time like the present, was there? "I'm sorry, Jack... I thought I'd told you. It's, well. I'm expecting."
"Oh, no, love." He pressed his palms together, as if he were praying for release, and took another clear step back from her. "We ain't never done the thing what makes one of those--you are not hanging your soon-to-be-parous condition 'round my poor neck. I've had enough nooses there, thanks."
Elizabeth pondered whether or not it might be against the Code to try to kill a pirate captain on the deck of his own ship. She might be able to get away with it--Barbossa was captain of the Pearl half the time, anymore, and to hear him tell it, he was only permitting Jack to behave like a captain the rest of the time--so long as Sparrow still hid the map to the Water of Life. At the same time, Barbossa might have her keel-hauled for the crime; he was unpredictable, at best, in his opinions on whether Jack should be killed. Perhaps it was best not to risk it. She had two to think about, now, and not just herself.
"I know it isn't yours!" she snapped instead, crossing her arms over her loose jacket. She could feel the slightest curve of her stomach beneath her clothes--nothing that even her gawking comrades, who were altogether thrilled at the presence of a woman on deck, would have noted yet. "If it was your offspring, I'd be hitting myself in the stomach."
Relief passed like a soothing hand over Jack's face. He favored her with a glittering smile, and by stepping back up to the banister beside her. "If he were any child of mine, he'd hit you back."
She rolled her eyes, and deigned no direct reply. She did not want to argue with Jack; although that was normally an entertaining diversion from the tedium of her work on the /Pearl/, it would keep her from what she wanted to speak with him about. No, she didn't truly wish to speak to him, of all men, about her troubles, but there wasn't another man on this ship who she could truly talk to. Jack couldn't be trusted, and he didn't trust her, but at the least, he'd known Will (and her heart ached at the mere thought of his name!). He might understand, if only because of that.
Instead, she said, "No, the child is Will's. And I don't know what to do about it."
Jack gave the appearance of thinking about this. He proved that appearances were, in fact, deceiving a moment later: "There's always rum."
"Unless it's gone. I don't care much for rum, besides, and you know it."
"That is one of your finest qualities, I'll admit. The less you drink, the more there is for me."
"Stop changing the subject." She wondered if Sao Feng's choice of heir was truly wise; anyone who'd speak to Jack Sparrow about a life decision couldn't be cunning enough to deserve a pirate Lordship. "It's just... I don't feel right about being with child on a ship, you know?"
"Not at all."
"I don't mean if you literally know, just that... well, I'm not going to be able to work very hard when I get bigger, am I? And I can't very well give birth on a ship. There's no one in the crew who's got even a passing familiarity with midwifery. Aside from that, I'm not certain that a den of pirates would be the safest place to rear a child--"
"That's piffle," Jack said. He tilted his head, and bestowed a gold-studded smirk upon her. "Ain't no safer place for anyone in the Caribbean than behind the business ends of our cannon. With that scherzo della natura, Beckett, sweetly sizzling away in Hell, we've got no worries of being overtaken, love. 'course, if you did have a--a chi-yald on deck, you'd have to worry plenty about Hector. I think he eats Christian babes. Were I you, I wouldn't get whatever squalling thing I dropped a baptism."
"You're rambling, Jack."
He gave her a piqued glare. "I know that. 's one of my great talents, along with captaining, pillaging, and--"
"And getting yourself eaten by monstrous squid."
"That was just the once, actually, and it's not something I intend to do an encore for." Still, the very mention of the kraken--dead or no, rotting on some god-forsaken beach or no--had the same effect on him as a cold glass of water tossed in his face. Just the sort of effect she wanted to have.
"I'm being serious. I don't know what to do, and I would like some sort of advice. Or, I suppose, whatever passes for advice when it comes to you."
"Ah!" The captain of the Pearl stroked his fingers over his mustache, and curved up one of its tips. She guessed that this was one of Jack's many ways of appearing thoughtful. "Well, Lizabeth, I hasn't exactly given birth too often in my time on Earth, although trying to direct this particular band of tricksters, hatters and back-stabbers is rather like trying to parent a pack of whelps. I can say that it is possible, however, to give birth on a pirate ship, as my mum herself could tell you. You know, if she weren't hanging on me belt-buckle."
Elizabeth did not even attempt to think about what that last bizarre statement was supposed to mean. As it came from Sparrow, it could mean anything at all. "Your mother... she was gone with you, and on a ship at the same time?"
"That she was. Even worked on deck, right up until the eighth month; she only stopped on account of her making the rest of the crew fearful that she'd drop me straight out by accident. It's hard to think of your work if you're also plotting on trying to grab the captain's baby before his brains get dashed out on the deck, savvy?"
"I can only imagine."
"Leastways, you could hang about until you're closer to dropping your load. Gibbs will be horrified, like as not, but he's always been a tinder sort. You've got your speck of ocean back 'round Singapore to look after, and someone else might try to take your Lordship in your maternal absences."
For a moment, Elizabeth smiled--in spite of how gruff and twisted Jack was, that last sounded distinctly like he was concerned. It only took her a moment, though, to think it through, and realize what he was actually saying. Her smile disappeared, like a curl of smoke in a stiff wind. "And you'd be highly concerned if you had to deal with a new Lord, is that it? One who you didn't set up yourself?"
"I'm not too fond of change, love."
"I'm sure." Rolling her eyes, she turned her gaze away from Jack, and stared back out over the ocean. It wouldn't be so bad, raising her child out here, would it? It had been just the thing she'd wanted herself, back when she'd been a little girl--back when, every time she stepped on a gangplank, she'd silently hoped that she'd never have to leave it again. Her head had always been filled with romantic tales of pirates and hidden treasure (well, treasure that wasn't cursed gold, or still-beating hearts). It would be better for her child, if it were raised around the real thing, and never harbored any similar delusions.
"I don't know what you're stewing so bloody hot over this, anywise." Jack sauntered up and leaned his back and both elbows against the banister, letting him look aimlessly up at the bald, barren sky. Quiet as it was at the moment, she could hear the soft clitter of beads and coins woven into his hair as it swayed in the breeze. Elizabeth counted herself lucky that he was downwind of her for the moment. "Rearin' a little one ain't so hard. Squeezing 'em out ain't even so hard, from what I been told. Why, my mum brought me forth in the midst of a typhoon, and kept me on deck with her all the time--and look how I turned out!"
She turned and stared at Jack for a moment, her jaw sprung open, her eyebrows lifted to an incredulous angle. He didn't notice; he was a bit busy staring up at nothing, and running his tongue over his teeth, as if he cared about whether or not there might be food caught between them. She thought of replying, until it occurred to her that, without realizing it, Jack might have finally given her some useful advice on how to handle her particular problem.
"Barbossa?" she said, pushing away from the banister and immediately walking--no, /running/--for the helm. "Barbossa, take me back to shore as soon as is humanly possible!"
-end-
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