Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
Anger...It's All Over Now
11 ReviewsHave you ever been so angry that you wanna kill yourself just so that you wouldn’t feel the rage that you were feeling at the moment? I have. I fucking have. Sad Frerard one-shot, ends happily. I...
Okay, first of all, I wrote this half-asleep. It's very long, I know that. But I'd appreciate if you gave it a shot and reviewed, but if you don't want to, that's fine!
Anger.
It happens. Sometimes in small amounts, sometimes in huge amounts. Sometimes all the time, sometimes almost never. Anger has many varies. There’s the ‘I’m not talking to you cause you were flirting with my crush yesterday’, there’s the ‘leave my fucking sister alone or I’ll cut your balls off’ there’s even the ‘GET READY TO RUN, MOTHERFUCKER!’ but I never thought one person would be able to possess as much anger as I once had.
Have you ever been so angry that you wanna kill yourself just so that you wouldn’t feel the rage that you were feeling at the moment, but you were so angry that you couldn’t even function enough to stab yourself, hit your head repeatedly or jump off something high or into some kind of body of water? I have. I fucking have!
It all started…oh fuck, years ago!
Me and Gerard were laughing, joking around, y’know, the usual, when some fucker just comes up to him and slaps him right across the face. I stood up and glared at the bitch, even though she was like, two inches taller than me. “What the hell?” I exclaimed, flailing my arms around in front of me. She just sneered at me.
“Fag!” she spat, glaring at the both of us. I felt my nostrils flare and I took a deep breath. I felt Gee’s hand wrap around my own and he pulled me back a little. He stood in front of me and spoke calmly to the bitch.
“Excuse me, miss, but what seems to be the problem here?” he asked, holding me firmly behind his back like he was afraid I was gonna do something I’d regret later. I sighed into his back and rested my head on it, smiling slightly as I felt it rumble as he spoke and breathed. “I said, what’s the problem?”
“I fucking heard you!” she said shrilly, her voice making me cringe. You see, this is why I didn’t like women… “My son thinks it’s alright to walk around with his fucking BOYFRIEND cause he’s seen you two do it!” she snarled.
“And the problem is…” Gerard’s low, sexy voice asked.
“The problem is HE THINK’S IT’S ALRIGHT TO BE A FAGGOT!” she cried and I felt Gerard’s shoulder push backwards as if he was pushed. I felt his muscles tense and I tried to step in front of him to give the homophobic bitch in front of us a real piece of my mind, but he just forced me behind him again.
“It is.” Gerard muttered. I could tell by his voice that he was starting to become angered. I couldn’t blame him, she was pissing me off, too.
“No! It isn’t!”
He took a deep breath and took another step forwards. “Listen, lady. He should feel free to be himself and most of all be proud of that. I’m sorry for giving him the confidence boost that you should have given him.” He growled.
“He’s walking around holding another boy’s hand and you think that’s a GOOD THING?” she screamed, attracting the attention of the whole café.
Gerard paused a while. “Yes.”
I finally managed to push Gerard out of the way a little and move next to him. My hand found his and my fingers tangled in his. “A couple of fucking faggots like you WOULD think it was acceptable! Assholes!”
“Goddamnit! A decent mother would be happy of him no matter what!” I yelled, glaring at her.
“Frank, c’mon, baby. Let me handle this, you loose your tempter to easily.” Gee whispered, kissing the top of my head softly. I relaxed a little and nodded, sighing. And stepped back a little, but still kept my hand in Gee’s.
“Yeah, that’s it, back down! I can tell who’s the bitch in the relationship!” she taunted.
“Leave him alone!” Gerard growled loudly, stepping even closer to her. I pulled him back and gripped his arm tightly.
“Gee! C’mon, sugar, let’s just go!” I said, tugging him backwards.
“No! I’m not gonna let her talk about you like that, Frankie!” he shouted, pulling out of my grip and walking towards her again. “Frank is the nicest, most moral, kindest, ho-” his words were cut short as a loud bang echoed through the café. I looked around wildly, trying to find the source of the loud noise, but it wasn’t until I heard several screams and yells that I looked straight in front of me.
I yelled as loud as I could. I didn’t even realize that I yelled. I just did. Within a millisecond, I was knelt down on the floor, cradling Gerard’s head in my arms as my eyes flicked wildly around his blood splattered face. “Fuck!” I whimpered, wiping some hair and blood from his face. “Gee, Gerard, baby! Wake the fuck up!” I demanded, shaking him gently. The realization was trying to set in, but I pushed it away from me as I tapped the side of his face lightly.
There was screaming, yelling, crashing, hitting, running, panic and chaos all around me, but I didn’t hear it. All I could hear was the loud, painful beating of my own heart and the gasping breaths of my love. “F-Frankie…do me a f-favor.” He croaked, his eyes cracking open as more blood trickled from the bullet hole in his chest.
“I’ll d-do anything for you, G-Gerar-d!” I stuttered, tears spilling from my eyes and falling onto his face, mixing with the blood.
“This might not s-sound like something I’d s-say, but…” he took a deep breath and I heard a rattling in his chest as if it was hard to breathe. “Avenge me.” He scowled, looking away from my eyes as his began closing.
“Gee, listen to me!” I said, pulling his face towards mine. “I’ll do anything for you, Gerard!” I sobbed, my shaking hand finding his.
“Do it for the f-faggots everywhere, F-Frankie.” He whispered, managing a small, regretful smile.
I nodded and let my lips touch his in what I knew, deep down inside, was the last kiss we’d ever experience together. I felt the last whisper of breath ghost across my lips. My heart felt as if it had been shot thousands of times, the pain, anger, regret, misery and anguish pouring from where it had been pierced. I buried my head in his stomach and sobbed hard. I cried the most that I have ever cried in my whole lifetime. More than the time I found out Jamia was cheating on me, more than the time I found out that Ray had broken his spinal chord and had to live in a wheelchair, more than the time I got the call saying that my mom had cancer and a lot more than the time I walked in on my younger sister with a gun pointed at her own head. Emotions poured from me faster than a waterfall rushing downwards from a cliff.
I’m sure that if Gerard had still been alive, I would have been holding him so tightly that it would’ve hurt…but he wasn’t alive…and it was all her fault. I heard a gun clatter to the ground and I heard her footsteps run away. I heard the screams and questions fired towards me and Gerard…I ignored them all, though. The sadness and anger was so intense that I felt as if my head was going to literally explode from the pressure. My eyes felt like they were on fire and there was a lump in my throat so big that I couldn’t breath. I took a gasping breath, just to scream at the top of my lungs, relieving only a little bit of the emotion.
The paramedics came. I’m not sure how long it took, but it seemed like forever for me. Every second felt like a million years. “I’m sorry, sir, but this man seems to be dead…” one of them said regretfully, his hand rested on my shoulder as my hand squeezed Gerard’s so hard that my knuckles were white and I could almost feel his bone crunching in his hand.
“I know.” I muttered, still staring into his eyes. They were blank, empty, emotionless…I’ve never seen them like that before. Even in the most apathetic times in Gee’s life, he’d see me and his eyes would light up, love and hope erupting from them. Hope for a life that we were trying to build. A life that we never had…a life that we could never have.
That was when it fully sunk in…Gerard, my lover, was dead…I would never see him smile, or laugh, cry, kiss, hug, breathe, draw, sing, try to play guitar or clutter our bedroom with random pictures that he had drawn and his dirty clothes...ever again.
I gripped his clothes tightly and buried my face in his cold neck. I cried long and hard, muttering questions and curses under my breath over and over. I was practically torn from Gerard’s body by some guys. I don’t know who they were, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to let him go. If I couldn’t hold him while he was alive ever again, I’d hold him while he was dead…it wasn’t that easy…I could never hold him ever again. When they took him away, I don’t know what they did to him…probably cut him open, filled him with some kind of chemicals and laid him in that black, shiny coffin with the fancy suit on.
His funeral came a week or two later. I don’t know; it was really hard to keep track of the time with all the rage threatening to overflow once again. I took a few things for him to get buried with. I took his favorite pair of Converse, a picture of the two of us in the park cuddling, the song sheet I had written for him for Valentines day and my tears. As I knelt on the muddy ground in front of the ditch that he was gonna be lowered into, I leant over, touched his cheek gently and whispered. “I will avenge you, Gerard…I’ll kill your enemies.” I let a single tear fall down my cheek as I began singing quietly, so that the only person who would be able to hear would be Gerard…if he wasn’t dead. “Do you remember that day when we met, you told me ‘this gets harder’? Well it did…been holdin’ on forever, promise me that when I’m gone, you’ll kill my enemies…” I sighed and felt the uncontrollable anger boil up inside of me again. “I’ll kill your enemies, Gerard…well, your enemy. I’ll fucking murder her!” I growled, looking at him one last time as I stepped back, my hands fisted tightly in my pockets, silently fuming and crying, my face and clothes getting soaked from the rain that fell when the heavens opened up, but I didn’t care.
I looked up into the sky and saw a single beam of light break through from the clouds and shine right in my eyes. I could have sworn that I saw his face in that second. I blinked several times and looked back up…nothing. The clouds swallowed up the small gap and the light disappeared. I looked back to the coffin to see him slowly disappear from sight.
I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and I looked to its owner, to find Mikey’s big, brown eyes boring deep into my own. Tears were spilling freely from his eyes and I could see the pain in his eyes. “Th-they found her, Frankie.” He whispered, burying his face in my shoulder. “She’s going to jail for a long time.” He whimpered, standing up straight as he took a small step away from me.
“That’s not enough.” I muttered, my teeth gritting. “You think that justifies what she did? You think that she can take someone’s life just because of who they fell in love with and be able to just go to jail for a few years?” I asked, my voice getting louder and louder until I was shouting. I knew that I was taking some of my anger out on Mikey, but I couldn’t help it.
“No…I don’t. But what else can they do? She pleaded guilty to murder and, from what I’ve heard, is behaving well in prison. Her sentence is gonna be shortened a couple of years! That isn’t right, and I know it isn’t, but what the hell are we supposed to do?” he asked, his eyes pouring fresh beads of salty tears.
There was something sharp in my pocket, for some reason, and I was gripping it so hard that it was cutting deep into my hand, but I couldn’t feel it. The anger, pain, sadness, fear and regret that I was experiencing was far greater than any physical pain that could be experienced. “You can’t do anything, Mikey. They can’t do anything, she can’t…but I fucking can.” I spat. And with that, I took one more look at the mound of dirt that was now Gerard, blew a short kiss to it, turned and walked away.
Years and years passed, with me hating each and every day. The only reason I would wake up in the morning would be to visit Gerard with a single red rose. There was a pile of wilting roses at one side of his grave, and at the other, a huge pile of them, some dying, some fresh.
The room that I was in was dark, lit only by a lamp in the corner of it. ‘It all ends tonight!’ I thought to myself, a strangely dark optimism settling into my stomach. I was excited…scared, depressed, pained…but excited. There was a squirming nervousness in my body, the kind you get when you’re doing something for the first time…like being onstage.
I sighed determinedly and looked at the dead woman lying across the floor. “Can’t go back now.” I said to myself as I signed the bottom of my suicide note.
I’m sorry, Mikey, Alicia, Ray, Bob, Christie, Matt, Scott and anyone else who has ever cared for me that is still living.
Gerard needs to be avenged and I’m the only one who can do it. I have waited so long to finally leave this world, to join the black parade, to be with Gerard, and tonight is the night.
A lover’s gotta do what a lover’s gotta do…
Frank Anthony Iero Way-x
I walked over to my desk and opened one of the drawers. I pulled out a picture of Gerard and laid it in front of me. I placed one of his drawings next to it and pressed play on the radio. Ironically, Helena blasted out, half-way through the song. I ran my left thumb over my ring finger, toying with the wedding ring that I refused to take off. By the time I had gathered my courage, picked up the gun and held it to my heart, it was nearing the end of the song.
“So long…and goodnight.” I whispered as, with one last look at Gerard’s picture, I pulled the trigger.
If you’re thinking that it’s weird how I’m talking about it all almost indifferently, it’s because it’s almost nothing. Life is only a short, short part of the journey…it’s surprising, really, how insignificant it seems when it’s over…but I guess you can only truly know what that’s like when you’re dead.
Isn’t it funny how if you’ve led a good life, when a few bad things happen, you focus on them? Well in death, it doesn’t matter how shitty your life has been, the bad things are put behind you and it’s only the good things that really stick. I mean, you remember the bad things, but they seem almost unimportant. Like how I can talk so easily about my misery.
Hmm…but I guess it’s different if you go to hell. Maybe, whilst in hell, it’s only the bad things that seem to weigh you down…but I wouldn’t know about that. That’s right. Frank Iero Way made it to heaven!
People say that homosexuality is a sin, that if you’re gay or bisexual, you go to hell, they also say that life is a gift and shouldn’t be wasted, so suicide is completely out of the question, right along with murder, but that obviously wasn’t the case for me. I had been a proud gay, saying ‘fuck you!’ to any homophobes out there. I had killed myself the very same night that I had murdered a murderer…I guess those people were wrong.
A lot of people also think that heaven comes in the form of a set of golden gates with God, or one of his messengers, stood outside of it, letting people pass through it or damning them to hell and once you’re inside the gates, heaven is the very best things that you had loved in life…it isn’t. For me, heaven was when I was looking down at my limp body, sprawled across the desk and I felt those familiar arms circle my waist, soft lips kissing the side of my face gently. I turned around slowly and I swear, if I was alive, I would have died of happiness. Gerard was stood right in front of me…his arms holding me tightly, his face beaming, his eyes so full of emotion as they always used to be before he was killed. Tears welled in my eyes and poured out shamelessly as I took in his appearance. It was the same as it always used to be.
His long-ish, black, silky hair framing his face perfectly, his white teeth glowing in the dim light that seemed to surround us. There was no halo, no white robe, no wings…just plain old Gerard, the one I loved, the one I still love. “Frankie, baby, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He said, pointing behind him. I looked over his shoulder and there she was…
Gerard and Mikey’s deceased grandmother, Elena Lee Rush. “Helen!” I gasped, rushing towards her. She smiled widely and enveloped me into a large hug.
“Hello, Frank.” She said fondly, one of her hands cupping the side of my face. Gee stood next to me and his fingers laced with mine. “May I just say, you looked so charming on the Helena video!” she smiled, turning and walking away.
I reached out, to try to stop her, but Gerard just pulled my arm back down. “She’ll come back. Anytime you want.” He smiled, brushing some hair from my face.
More tears produced in my eyes and I collapsed in Gerard’s arms, sobbing with over-whelming happiness into his shoulder as my hands gripped his black shirt tightly, afraid to let him go again. “I love you so much!” I cried, my deprived lips finally touching Gerard’s. It was so long since I felt that. The feel of his soft lips touching mine in an intense burst of emotions.
His fingers combed through my hair as his lips placed small butterfly kisses all over my face, my eyes shut in an unbelievable euphoria that I thought wasn’t possible to feel. “Now come on, baby, let’s go watch Alicia give birth.” I looked up to him quizzically. He just smiled at me. “Honey, never going outside, not answering calls and only letting people know that you were alive by sending half-assed texts has a lot of disadvantages, one of them being that you never hear any news.” He grinned, taking my hand in his.
We shared a look together. One of pure love, relief, happiness and satisfaction.
“Gerard Arthur Way…I love you.” I sighed, leaning into him slightly as we walked a little further, eventually reaching a sort of opening in the middle of the white mist that was swirling almost like water around our feet.
“Frank Anthony Iero Way, I love you, too!” he grinned, pecking my cheek gently as we both looked down to Alicia cursing and screaming at Mikey as he held her hand, stroked her hair and murmured encouragement as she pushed with all of her might.
“Gee…we’re uncles.” I whispered, smiling. “Dead ones, but an uncles no less!” I grinned.
“Our brother’s a daddy!” Gerard breathed, gripping me a little tighter.
I shut my eyes tightly and began crying once again out of happiness. I felt Gee’s hands hold mine and I opened my eyes again, looking deeply into his. “It’s over, Gerard…it’s all over! We’re together! She’s dead! My lonely life is finished…and now, now we’ve got forever to do whatever we want. And I have a feeling that we won’t get bored.”
“Frankie…we can make the life we always wanted to!”
“Yeah…we can make our life…in death.” I smiled, a feeling of peace that I had been craving for years coming over me as I melted into Gerard, all of the anger being left behind the second the bullet pierced my heart…back when I was alive.
It was all over now…my anger, my sadness…everything…now I could finally enjoy my li-death, should I say, with Gerard…after so many years of torment…it was all over…
Anger.
It happens. Sometimes in small amounts, sometimes in huge amounts. Sometimes all the time, sometimes almost never. Anger has many varies. There’s the ‘I’m not talking to you cause you were flirting with my crush yesterday’, there’s the ‘leave my fucking sister alone or I’ll cut your balls off’ there’s even the ‘GET READY TO RUN, MOTHERFUCKER!’ but I never thought one person would be able to possess as much anger as I once had.
Have you ever been so angry that you wanna kill yourself just so that you wouldn’t feel the rage that you were feeling at the moment, but you were so angry that you couldn’t even function enough to stab yourself, hit your head repeatedly or jump off something high or into some kind of body of water? I have. I fucking have!
It all started…oh fuck, years ago!
Me and Gerard were laughing, joking around, y’know, the usual, when some fucker just comes up to him and slaps him right across the face. I stood up and glared at the bitch, even though she was like, two inches taller than me. “What the hell?” I exclaimed, flailing my arms around in front of me. She just sneered at me.
“Fag!” she spat, glaring at the both of us. I felt my nostrils flare and I took a deep breath. I felt Gee’s hand wrap around my own and he pulled me back a little. He stood in front of me and spoke calmly to the bitch.
“Excuse me, miss, but what seems to be the problem here?” he asked, holding me firmly behind his back like he was afraid I was gonna do something I’d regret later. I sighed into his back and rested my head on it, smiling slightly as I felt it rumble as he spoke and breathed. “I said, what’s the problem?”
“I fucking heard you!” she said shrilly, her voice making me cringe. You see, this is why I didn’t like women… “My son thinks it’s alright to walk around with his fucking BOYFRIEND cause he’s seen you two do it!” she snarled.
“And the problem is…” Gerard’s low, sexy voice asked.
“The problem is HE THINK’S IT’S ALRIGHT TO BE A FAGGOT!” she cried and I felt Gerard’s shoulder push backwards as if he was pushed. I felt his muscles tense and I tried to step in front of him to give the homophobic bitch in front of us a real piece of my mind, but he just forced me behind him again.
“It is.” Gerard muttered. I could tell by his voice that he was starting to become angered. I couldn’t blame him, she was pissing me off, too.
“No! It isn’t!”
He took a deep breath and took another step forwards. “Listen, lady. He should feel free to be himself and most of all be proud of that. I’m sorry for giving him the confidence boost that you should have given him.” He growled.
“He’s walking around holding another boy’s hand and you think that’s a GOOD THING?” she screamed, attracting the attention of the whole café.
Gerard paused a while. “Yes.”
I finally managed to push Gerard out of the way a little and move next to him. My hand found his and my fingers tangled in his. “A couple of fucking faggots like you WOULD think it was acceptable! Assholes!”
“Goddamnit! A decent mother would be happy of him no matter what!” I yelled, glaring at her.
“Frank, c’mon, baby. Let me handle this, you loose your tempter to easily.” Gee whispered, kissing the top of my head softly. I relaxed a little and nodded, sighing. And stepped back a little, but still kept my hand in Gee’s.
“Yeah, that’s it, back down! I can tell who’s the bitch in the relationship!” she taunted.
“Leave him alone!” Gerard growled loudly, stepping even closer to her. I pulled him back and gripped his arm tightly.
“Gee! C’mon, sugar, let’s just go!” I said, tugging him backwards.
“No! I’m not gonna let her talk about you like that, Frankie!” he shouted, pulling out of my grip and walking towards her again. “Frank is the nicest, most moral, kindest, ho-” his words were cut short as a loud bang echoed through the café. I looked around wildly, trying to find the source of the loud noise, but it wasn’t until I heard several screams and yells that I looked straight in front of me.
I yelled as loud as I could. I didn’t even realize that I yelled. I just did. Within a millisecond, I was knelt down on the floor, cradling Gerard’s head in my arms as my eyes flicked wildly around his blood splattered face. “Fuck!” I whimpered, wiping some hair and blood from his face. “Gee, Gerard, baby! Wake the fuck up!” I demanded, shaking him gently. The realization was trying to set in, but I pushed it away from me as I tapped the side of his face lightly.
There was screaming, yelling, crashing, hitting, running, panic and chaos all around me, but I didn’t hear it. All I could hear was the loud, painful beating of my own heart and the gasping breaths of my love. “F-Frankie…do me a f-favor.” He croaked, his eyes cracking open as more blood trickled from the bullet hole in his chest.
“I’ll d-do anything for you, G-Gerar-d!” I stuttered, tears spilling from my eyes and falling onto his face, mixing with the blood.
“This might not s-sound like something I’d s-say, but…” he took a deep breath and I heard a rattling in his chest as if it was hard to breathe. “Avenge me.” He scowled, looking away from my eyes as his began closing.
“Gee, listen to me!” I said, pulling his face towards mine. “I’ll do anything for you, Gerard!” I sobbed, my shaking hand finding his.
“Do it for the f-faggots everywhere, F-Frankie.” He whispered, managing a small, regretful smile.
I nodded and let my lips touch his in what I knew, deep down inside, was the last kiss we’d ever experience together. I felt the last whisper of breath ghost across my lips. My heart felt as if it had been shot thousands of times, the pain, anger, regret, misery and anguish pouring from where it had been pierced. I buried my head in his stomach and sobbed hard. I cried the most that I have ever cried in my whole lifetime. More than the time I found out Jamia was cheating on me, more than the time I found out that Ray had broken his spinal chord and had to live in a wheelchair, more than the time I got the call saying that my mom had cancer and a lot more than the time I walked in on my younger sister with a gun pointed at her own head. Emotions poured from me faster than a waterfall rushing downwards from a cliff.
I’m sure that if Gerard had still been alive, I would have been holding him so tightly that it would’ve hurt…but he wasn’t alive…and it was all her fault. I heard a gun clatter to the ground and I heard her footsteps run away. I heard the screams and questions fired towards me and Gerard…I ignored them all, though. The sadness and anger was so intense that I felt as if my head was going to literally explode from the pressure. My eyes felt like they were on fire and there was a lump in my throat so big that I couldn’t breath. I took a gasping breath, just to scream at the top of my lungs, relieving only a little bit of the emotion.
The paramedics came. I’m not sure how long it took, but it seemed like forever for me. Every second felt like a million years. “I’m sorry, sir, but this man seems to be dead…” one of them said regretfully, his hand rested on my shoulder as my hand squeezed Gerard’s so hard that my knuckles were white and I could almost feel his bone crunching in his hand.
“I know.” I muttered, still staring into his eyes. They were blank, empty, emotionless…I’ve never seen them like that before. Even in the most apathetic times in Gee’s life, he’d see me and his eyes would light up, love and hope erupting from them. Hope for a life that we were trying to build. A life that we never had…a life that we could never have.
That was when it fully sunk in…Gerard, my lover, was dead…I would never see him smile, or laugh, cry, kiss, hug, breathe, draw, sing, try to play guitar or clutter our bedroom with random pictures that he had drawn and his dirty clothes...ever again.
I gripped his clothes tightly and buried my face in his cold neck. I cried long and hard, muttering questions and curses under my breath over and over. I was practically torn from Gerard’s body by some guys. I don’t know who they were, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to let him go. If I couldn’t hold him while he was alive ever again, I’d hold him while he was dead…it wasn’t that easy…I could never hold him ever again. When they took him away, I don’t know what they did to him…probably cut him open, filled him with some kind of chemicals and laid him in that black, shiny coffin with the fancy suit on.
His funeral came a week or two later. I don’t know; it was really hard to keep track of the time with all the rage threatening to overflow once again. I took a few things for him to get buried with. I took his favorite pair of Converse, a picture of the two of us in the park cuddling, the song sheet I had written for him for Valentines day and my tears. As I knelt on the muddy ground in front of the ditch that he was gonna be lowered into, I leant over, touched his cheek gently and whispered. “I will avenge you, Gerard…I’ll kill your enemies.” I let a single tear fall down my cheek as I began singing quietly, so that the only person who would be able to hear would be Gerard…if he wasn’t dead. “Do you remember that day when we met, you told me ‘this gets harder’? Well it did…been holdin’ on forever, promise me that when I’m gone, you’ll kill my enemies…” I sighed and felt the uncontrollable anger boil up inside of me again. “I’ll kill your enemies, Gerard…well, your enemy. I’ll fucking murder her!” I growled, looking at him one last time as I stepped back, my hands fisted tightly in my pockets, silently fuming and crying, my face and clothes getting soaked from the rain that fell when the heavens opened up, but I didn’t care.
I looked up into the sky and saw a single beam of light break through from the clouds and shine right in my eyes. I could have sworn that I saw his face in that second. I blinked several times and looked back up…nothing. The clouds swallowed up the small gap and the light disappeared. I looked back to the coffin to see him slowly disappear from sight.
I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and I looked to its owner, to find Mikey’s big, brown eyes boring deep into my own. Tears were spilling freely from his eyes and I could see the pain in his eyes. “Th-they found her, Frankie.” He whispered, burying his face in my shoulder. “She’s going to jail for a long time.” He whimpered, standing up straight as he took a small step away from me.
“That’s not enough.” I muttered, my teeth gritting. “You think that justifies what she did? You think that she can take someone’s life just because of who they fell in love with and be able to just go to jail for a few years?” I asked, my voice getting louder and louder until I was shouting. I knew that I was taking some of my anger out on Mikey, but I couldn’t help it.
“No…I don’t. But what else can they do? She pleaded guilty to murder and, from what I’ve heard, is behaving well in prison. Her sentence is gonna be shortened a couple of years! That isn’t right, and I know it isn’t, but what the hell are we supposed to do?” he asked, his eyes pouring fresh beads of salty tears.
There was something sharp in my pocket, for some reason, and I was gripping it so hard that it was cutting deep into my hand, but I couldn’t feel it. The anger, pain, sadness, fear and regret that I was experiencing was far greater than any physical pain that could be experienced. “You can’t do anything, Mikey. They can’t do anything, she can’t…but I fucking can.” I spat. And with that, I took one more look at the mound of dirt that was now Gerard, blew a short kiss to it, turned and walked away.
Years and years passed, with me hating each and every day. The only reason I would wake up in the morning would be to visit Gerard with a single red rose. There was a pile of wilting roses at one side of his grave, and at the other, a huge pile of them, some dying, some fresh.
The room that I was in was dark, lit only by a lamp in the corner of it. ‘It all ends tonight!’ I thought to myself, a strangely dark optimism settling into my stomach. I was excited…scared, depressed, pained…but excited. There was a squirming nervousness in my body, the kind you get when you’re doing something for the first time…like being onstage.
I sighed determinedly and looked at the dead woman lying across the floor. “Can’t go back now.” I said to myself as I signed the bottom of my suicide note.
I’m sorry, Mikey, Alicia, Ray, Bob, Christie, Matt, Scott and anyone else who has ever cared for me that is still living.
Gerard needs to be avenged and I’m the only one who can do it. I have waited so long to finally leave this world, to join the black parade, to be with Gerard, and tonight is the night.
A lover’s gotta do what a lover’s gotta do…
Frank Anthony Iero Way-x
I walked over to my desk and opened one of the drawers. I pulled out a picture of Gerard and laid it in front of me. I placed one of his drawings next to it and pressed play on the radio. Ironically, Helena blasted out, half-way through the song. I ran my left thumb over my ring finger, toying with the wedding ring that I refused to take off. By the time I had gathered my courage, picked up the gun and held it to my heart, it was nearing the end of the song.
“So long…and goodnight.” I whispered as, with one last look at Gerard’s picture, I pulled the trigger.
If you’re thinking that it’s weird how I’m talking about it all almost indifferently, it’s because it’s almost nothing. Life is only a short, short part of the journey…it’s surprising, really, how insignificant it seems when it’s over…but I guess you can only truly know what that’s like when you’re dead.
Isn’t it funny how if you’ve led a good life, when a few bad things happen, you focus on them? Well in death, it doesn’t matter how shitty your life has been, the bad things are put behind you and it’s only the good things that really stick. I mean, you remember the bad things, but they seem almost unimportant. Like how I can talk so easily about my misery.
Hmm…but I guess it’s different if you go to hell. Maybe, whilst in hell, it’s only the bad things that seem to weigh you down…but I wouldn’t know about that. That’s right. Frank Iero Way made it to heaven!
People say that homosexuality is a sin, that if you’re gay or bisexual, you go to hell, they also say that life is a gift and shouldn’t be wasted, so suicide is completely out of the question, right along with murder, but that obviously wasn’t the case for me. I had been a proud gay, saying ‘fuck you!’ to any homophobes out there. I had killed myself the very same night that I had murdered a murderer…I guess those people were wrong.
A lot of people also think that heaven comes in the form of a set of golden gates with God, or one of his messengers, stood outside of it, letting people pass through it or damning them to hell and once you’re inside the gates, heaven is the very best things that you had loved in life…it isn’t. For me, heaven was when I was looking down at my limp body, sprawled across the desk and I felt those familiar arms circle my waist, soft lips kissing the side of my face gently. I turned around slowly and I swear, if I was alive, I would have died of happiness. Gerard was stood right in front of me…his arms holding me tightly, his face beaming, his eyes so full of emotion as they always used to be before he was killed. Tears welled in my eyes and poured out shamelessly as I took in his appearance. It was the same as it always used to be.
His long-ish, black, silky hair framing his face perfectly, his white teeth glowing in the dim light that seemed to surround us. There was no halo, no white robe, no wings…just plain old Gerard, the one I loved, the one I still love. “Frankie, baby, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He said, pointing behind him. I looked over his shoulder and there she was…
Gerard and Mikey’s deceased grandmother, Elena Lee Rush. “Helen!” I gasped, rushing towards her. She smiled widely and enveloped me into a large hug.
“Hello, Frank.” She said fondly, one of her hands cupping the side of my face. Gee stood next to me and his fingers laced with mine. “May I just say, you looked so charming on the Helena video!” she smiled, turning and walking away.
I reached out, to try to stop her, but Gerard just pulled my arm back down. “She’ll come back. Anytime you want.” He smiled, brushing some hair from my face.
More tears produced in my eyes and I collapsed in Gerard’s arms, sobbing with over-whelming happiness into his shoulder as my hands gripped his black shirt tightly, afraid to let him go again. “I love you so much!” I cried, my deprived lips finally touching Gerard’s. It was so long since I felt that. The feel of his soft lips touching mine in an intense burst of emotions.
His fingers combed through my hair as his lips placed small butterfly kisses all over my face, my eyes shut in an unbelievable euphoria that I thought wasn’t possible to feel. “Now come on, baby, let’s go watch Alicia give birth.” I looked up to him quizzically. He just smiled at me. “Honey, never going outside, not answering calls and only letting people know that you were alive by sending half-assed texts has a lot of disadvantages, one of them being that you never hear any news.” He grinned, taking my hand in his.
We shared a look together. One of pure love, relief, happiness and satisfaction.
“Gerard Arthur Way…I love you.” I sighed, leaning into him slightly as we walked a little further, eventually reaching a sort of opening in the middle of the white mist that was swirling almost like water around our feet.
“Frank Anthony Iero Way, I love you, too!” he grinned, pecking my cheek gently as we both looked down to Alicia cursing and screaming at Mikey as he held her hand, stroked her hair and murmured encouragement as she pushed with all of her might.
“Gee…we’re uncles.” I whispered, smiling. “Dead ones, but an uncles no less!” I grinned.
“Our brother’s a daddy!” Gerard breathed, gripping me a little tighter.
I shut my eyes tightly and began crying once again out of happiness. I felt Gee’s hands hold mine and I opened my eyes again, looking deeply into his. “It’s over, Gerard…it’s all over! We’re together! She’s dead! My lonely life is finished…and now, now we’ve got forever to do whatever we want. And I have a feeling that we won’t get bored.”
“Frankie…we can make the life we always wanted to!”
“Yeah…we can make our life…in death.” I smiled, a feeling of peace that I had been craving for years coming over me as I melted into Gerard, all of the anger being left behind the second the bullet pierced my heart…back when I was alive.
It was all over now…my anger, my sadness…everything…now I could finally enjoy my li-death, should I say, with Gerard…after so many years of torment…it was all over…
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