FicWad

Week 33

“No, no, no, no, no, no-NO!” Gia shouted at Nick and Kelly, “I’m not having lunch with that bastard, unless it’s his wake.”
“Kinda getting mixed signals here,” Nick said, to be slapped lightly by Kelly.
“Not the time Nick,” Kelly added, “Gia, it’s for your own good. Steve made a deal that if nothing comes from this lunch, which you’re certain it won’t, then no more. He stops being so goddamn emo, and you never see each other for as long as you live. Seriously, if I get married I’ll put blinkers on you two if I need to.”
“I have a boyfriend. People with boyfriends don’t go out with men who clearly want to try and seduce them,” Gia said slowly.
“Yeah, well, he’s not very serious, is he?” Nick asked, “I mean, how long is it since you met?”
“About eight months,” Gia cried.
“No, no it’s not,” Kelly interrupted, slightly confused, “Three weeks, a month tops. I was there when you met, remember?”
“Oh, well,” Gia was uncertain of herself now, “It certainly feels like longer.”
Nick had a reassuring arm over her shoulder, “That’s called monotony, dear, but don’t worry. There’s a cure. It’s doing crazy things that people in relationships don’t usually do. And that’s why you need us to introduce you to these crazy things you don’t usually do. Like Steve.”
“Are you suggesting I ‘do’ Steve?” Gai asked, shrugging Nick off.
Nick thought it over, before answering “Probably not, but it could do the trick.”
“Well it’s not going to happen. I’m happy with Mark, satisfied with Mark, and this monotony you describe, Nick, it’s what I actually want at the moment. So, while I like you both very much, I’d really prefer it if you leave right now.”
Kelly groaned, then turned to Nick, “Well, compassion and empathy failed. We’ll try your approach.”
“Okay, let’s go with vindictiveness then,” Nick said, putting his hand into his pocket and taking out a mobile, handing it to Gia, “This is for you, if you go out to lunch with Steve.”
“I already have a mobile,” Gia said, not impressed, “And mine looks like it’d cost more than this one.”
“But this mobile has a special feature yours does not.”
“And that is?”
“Steve’s complete phone numbers list. For you see, this is Steve’s mobile,” Nick explained, “I performed a distraction when we saw him, so Kelly could steal it. Nice work, I thought. Good to know if I give up the lovely career of cleaning kitchens, I’ve still got petty larceny to hang onto.”
Gia, slightly more interested, took the phone from Nick, “Why are you giving this to me? I thought Steve was your friend.”
“He is,” Kelly explained, “And so are you. But Steve, at the moment, is under the belief that he’s in love with you. Nick and I know that the idea is both incorrect, and bad for all involved. The best thing to do, then, is to show this is just another physical attraction.”
“So, if you want,” Nick took over, “When you go out to lunch with Steve, call up some old girlfriends of his. All are good, and by good I mean absolutely hate him, but I particularly recommend calling the two most recent numbers before hand. They’re listed on the mobile as Gothic Rose and Evelyn. The former gave him sex whenever he wanted, and the latter he described as having the best breasts he’s ever seen.”
Nick looked between Kelly and Gia, “No offence, ladies.”
“I think I can live with second place,” Kelly said with a smirk.
“Second! Keep dreaming girl,” Nick said, before returning to Gia, “Anyway, I think, if presented with both sex on tap, and fine pair of breasts, this idea that he’s madly in love with you will go away very quickly.”
“At the very least he’ll feel very awkward, which will make you feel good,” Kelly concluded, “Because they were best friends that Steve broke up for his own ends.”
“It doesn’t really feel…right,” Gia said, with heavy uncertainty in her voice.
“Oh no, you’ve got ethics. I thought you were meant to be an economics student,” Nick said, “Well, look at it this way Mother Teresa. These are two friends who’ve been broken up. You’re bringing them back together by joining them in a common bond. A common bond of loathing Steve, but a bond none the less. You’ll be doing them good, at the same time as doing yourself good, and Steve ill. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Nothing?” Gia said, raising an eyebrow in scepticism.
“Okay, no more questioning ethics. It’s a good deed, deal with it,” Nick said, frustrated and clenching his fists, “So, are you in, or do I take Steve’s mobile back?”
Gia shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know. I should probably speak to Mark about this tonight.”
Nick groaned, but Kelly had a faint smile. “Take your time, Gia,” she said, “I’ll book a table at Café Java on Tuesday, if you’ll be free then?”
“Yeah, I’ll be free but-“
“And if you want to go, go, but if you don’t feel comfortable, then you’ll have stood Steve up. Not as satisfactory as our idea-“
“And certainly doesn’t bring two starcrossed best friends back together again,” Nick cut in, “But if you want to be selfish, then feel free to not go. We can only hope that poor old Gothic Rose doesn’t become suicidal over the matter.”
“As I was saying,” Kelly cut in, with an edge of seriousness, “Not as satisfactory as our idea, but you’ll still be able to get some sort of revenge on Steve, without having to actually see him.”
“All right. I’ll talk to Mark, then decide what to do.”
“Okay,” Nick said, “So…will he be here soon? Because, you know I hate a story that drags on for like, weeks and weeks.”
“Yes, he’ll be here soon, but you two should probably leave before then. Mark has a bit of a problem with you two.”
“Why?” Kelly asked.
“Probably that stunt at the dinner party,” Nick suggested.
“But still, you and Steve were the ones that really fucked around with him, not me. So why does Mark still have a grudge against me?”
Gia gave her a stare and Kelly understood.
“He doesn’t still think I’m a lesbian, does he? How many guys do I have to fuck before he believes I’m straight?”
“Don’t worry, Kelly. Whatever the number is, you’ll reach it soon enough. Probably within the hour,” Nick said. Kelly clenched her eyebrows and she stared daggers at Nick. “I’m guessing I’m not getting a lift home anymore.”