Categories > Celebrities > Gackt
Dancing To Our Last Serenade
0 ReviewsNot only does You suddenly find Gackt stopping in the music business, but he is also leaving You. Small story with rooths in Hoshi no Suna, a beatiful ballade by Gackt.
"You know," Gackt leaned his cheek against the rough, grey stone of the balcony fence, "Every one of my songs is a chapter in my life. Something I want to say, when my simple spoken words can't cover what I feel... I sing about the people in my life, the events, the horror and beauty, wishes and fears..." He trailed off, closing his eyes, almost looking as if in pain.
"I know." You said, though knowing by heart that Gackt needed to go on. He placed himself beside his sitting friend, leaned against the wall of the house, letting his hand pet Gackt's hair softly. Not in a smothering way, but merely to let Gackt know, that he was there. Always.
"/Why, in this empty room, is my body shaking?/" Gackt softly sang, clutching his arms harder around his knees. "/Tell me.../" It was merely a whisper in the dark.
"Gaku, please, tell me what's wrong! Tell me how I can make it better..." It's all I want. You felt the tears burning in the corners of his eyes, but he bravely fought them back.
"/When I ran across your broken, slender body, not even traces of your gentle smiling face were left behind, because if I wake up it'll take time to speak about the reason for my tears./" Gackt sobbed softly, but as You mentioned to sit down; embracing him, Gackt pushed his hand away.
"Gackt-kun?"
"You really don't see it, You?" Gackt turned his head to look out between the pillars of the balcony fence, letting the question linger in the vacant night air.
You stood silent, hurt and confusion running through his body. And anger. Anger from not knowing anything! Why was Gackt acting this way- why was he shutting him out?
He hugged himself, as a chill waved over his entire body; this not caused by the black October night he was staring into. He wouldn't have minded that kind of coldness.
The seconds went by -killingly slow- and You battled with himself, wanting to say something. Anything. But neither his mind nor his heart would let a word pass over his lips. All he could do was watch Gackt, wanting to cry, wanting Gackt to stop all of this stupidity and just hug him. To make it all better... like always.
"We're fading..."
"Don't... Gackt, please..." You felt the hotness invading the corners of his eyes more forcefully now. How could he say that?
"You-kun," Gackt's voice was stern. "I don't mean to hurt you. It's the last thing I've ever wanted." Now he smiled sadly, turning his face and looking up at You.
You's heart broke.
"Then why?! Why are you doing this to me? I..." You turned away, looking into the room from where he had entered the balcony; hiding his tears. /I love you/, he finished the sentence in his mind.
He could hear Gackt get up from his place in the corner of the balcony behind him, walking around a bit and then the quietness settled in. That unwanted silence they had shared for some time now.
Getting himself together You swept away the tears with the back of his hands and turned to face his friend once again. He wasn't the one turning away from their friendship, Gackt was!
"A long time ago I met a person, who aspired me to write a song. I meet many of these people every day of course, but this was -are- a very special person to me." Gackt's normally emotionless face was dragged down in a frown, making him look uttermost old and tired.
"Kono Daremo Inai Heya de."
You still just stood there, doing his best to hold Gackt's gaze. He wasn't really sure where Gackt was going with all of this, but him talking was better than him shutting You out. You just couldn't handle the silence anymore...
"You," Gackt smiled softly, seeing how You didn't take the hint, "you, You-kun."
You's eyes widened as the words sunk in, "W-what?"
"You aspired me to sing, You. Without you, I don't know where I would have been today," Gackt stepped forward, looking at his hand, as it slid across the surface of the table placed where he had been standing, "And I'm not talking fame and career here; I mean mentally... Mentally... - would I ever even have learned to...?" He stopped, looking as if he regretted speaking.
"Learned what?" You held his breath, praying Gackt to go on. He might not be good at hints, but he wasn't stupid.
Gackt wrinkled his nose, as he kept looking at his hand, which had found a stop at the edge of the table, there being no more safe surface for it to cross. He studied it as if to wonder if the hand was to seek backwards; being safe in it well-known yet boring routine, or to let it fall down his side; seeking another safety, though the uncertainty, maybe finding a greater happiness.
You took a step forward, afraid but determined, grabbing the hand and lifting it from the table, clutching onto it with both of his own. He wasn't going back to the silence again. "Tell me. Please? Don't shut me out..."
Gackt looked up slowly and met his gaze.
"Love. To love," he said it softly, "I... I love you."
You actually froze hearing the words he had wanted to hear every day for the last seven years. The words he too had been wanting to say, but never had... Gackt was an artist; breathing and living for his music with every heartbeat. The rest was merely shadows in his life. And You knew that he could never be the one bringing a light into that 'darkness'; it had to be Gackt himself. So therefore he had waited, though at times it had been killing him; all those endless nights inflicted in all the endless questions from his heart. What if Gackt didn't feel the same? Was he supposed to live with him forever - only loving him in silence? Would he? Could he?
But now... finally... the light. But why... why all this pain? They were supposed to be happy...
Slowly You felt Gackt's hand, still held between his own, inflicting itself in one of his, his other hand seeking You's cheek. His touch was so endlessly soft. As he leaned in, You felt his heart racing faster than he thought ever possible. He could do nothing but close his eyes, only to have these shoot open in surprise as a kiss ghosted over his other cheek.
"So... My last song was for you... I'm not doing music anymore..."
He walked into the room, leaving You standing there, his system closing down as each word sunk in. His last song... last...? ... But he loves me...he loves me...he said so.
"Gackt?!" You ran into the room, grabbing onto Gackt's shoulder, turning him around violently. "What the hell are you talking about?" You shook the slender man, the frustrations taking over his body completely, "You can't just... and then... just..."
Gackt did nothing to stop his friend's violent act and soon You himself slowed down, only to stand with his hands resting -clutching- on Gackt's shoulders; pressing hard, but merely standing, "Why are you leaving... me?"
"I'm just waking up, You, and though it took time, I've finally spoken about the reason for my tears. My dreams should never be more real than reality; more wanted for me. I don't live in a world like that, You-kun; I want to see my dreams when awake- fulfilled... but what if there's a dream I cannot have?" Gackt pushed You's hands away and turned around once more, "When it's all I've ever wanted..."
"But I love you..." You could hear a voice so small and tiny, he would have never guess it to be his own, if not this had made Gackt turn around; disbelieve roughly painted on his face.
"But..." Gackt's eyes now turned glassy, the tears only held back by his well-known stubbornness, "No... You, please, don't do this to me. I can't... I have to go. You're better off without me... You are..."
"I love you," You stepped forwards, letting a hard cup Gackt's face and as he tried to turn his face away, You held it in place. "Why do you always have to be so damn strong?" He let his thumb caress the soft skin under Gackt's eye, this soon being wetted by the falling tears.
"Someone has to be." he managed to say, trying to meet You's gaze.
"Let it not be you then." You had no idea where he got the strength or courage from, but he now cupped Gackt's face with both hands and kissed him softly. On the mouth.
He could taste the salted tears and as they unwillingly broke apart for air, he started kissing them away. Gackt was crying freely now, his arms pressing around You's slim waist, pressing him so endlessly close, as if to never let go again. You smiled and placed a single, soft kiss on the other man's forehead.
"You're such an idiot, Gaku. Leaving me, because you love me? What a fucked up plan indeed... Idiot... I never needed you to be strong for me. I can take care of myself, you know?" he stated matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow at the smaller man.
"Well, there's a first time for everything, I guess." Gackt snorted while trying to smile, trying to joke, but he soon gave up and buried his face in You's shoulder - as if he was desperately holding on to a dream - and You was clutching onto Gackt, just as hard as Gackt was clutching onto him... The same dream... they really were soul mates.
How long they stood like that, in the room bathed in moonlight, holding each other, just breathing in the sense of what they had missed for so long, were unknown and unimportant to both of them.
"Promise me," You softly drew his shoulder back, freeing Gackt's face, looking right into his swollen eyes, "Promise me you won't stop making music. It's who you are, Gaku... How could you ever live without it?" He arched an eyebrow, as Gackt shook his head softly and then started nuzzling his nose against You's neck. And though this sent butterflies terrorizing his whole body, You wasn't that easily distracted. He redrew once more, giving Gackt the look of 'tell me, or you'll regret it'.
"Well, without you, there'd be no music in my life. No reasons to sing. No reasons to play." Gackt smiled shyly and kissed You passionately.
It might have sounded like an overused cliché to anyone but him, but it was the truth spoken out of a sincere heart, for You knew Gackt. His soul mate. His love.
"Then let's make music." he said slyly, pushing Gackt onto the bed, letting gentle yet demanding kisses rain upon him. Oh, he was going to give Gackt a reason for singing -and something to sing about indeed.
"I know." You said, though knowing by heart that Gackt needed to go on. He placed himself beside his sitting friend, leaned against the wall of the house, letting his hand pet Gackt's hair softly. Not in a smothering way, but merely to let Gackt know, that he was there. Always.
"/Why, in this empty room, is my body shaking?/" Gackt softly sang, clutching his arms harder around his knees. "/Tell me.../" It was merely a whisper in the dark.
"Gaku, please, tell me what's wrong! Tell me how I can make it better..." It's all I want. You felt the tears burning in the corners of his eyes, but he bravely fought them back.
"/When I ran across your broken, slender body, not even traces of your gentle smiling face were left behind, because if I wake up it'll take time to speak about the reason for my tears./" Gackt sobbed softly, but as You mentioned to sit down; embracing him, Gackt pushed his hand away.
"Gackt-kun?"
"You really don't see it, You?" Gackt turned his head to look out between the pillars of the balcony fence, letting the question linger in the vacant night air.
You stood silent, hurt and confusion running through his body. And anger. Anger from not knowing anything! Why was Gackt acting this way- why was he shutting him out?
He hugged himself, as a chill waved over his entire body; this not caused by the black October night he was staring into. He wouldn't have minded that kind of coldness.
The seconds went by -killingly slow- and You battled with himself, wanting to say something. Anything. But neither his mind nor his heart would let a word pass over his lips. All he could do was watch Gackt, wanting to cry, wanting Gackt to stop all of this stupidity and just hug him. To make it all better... like always.
"We're fading..."
"Don't... Gackt, please..." You felt the hotness invading the corners of his eyes more forcefully now. How could he say that?
"You-kun," Gackt's voice was stern. "I don't mean to hurt you. It's the last thing I've ever wanted." Now he smiled sadly, turning his face and looking up at You.
You's heart broke.
"Then why?! Why are you doing this to me? I..." You turned away, looking into the room from where he had entered the balcony; hiding his tears. /I love you/, he finished the sentence in his mind.
He could hear Gackt get up from his place in the corner of the balcony behind him, walking around a bit and then the quietness settled in. That unwanted silence they had shared for some time now.
Getting himself together You swept away the tears with the back of his hands and turned to face his friend once again. He wasn't the one turning away from their friendship, Gackt was!
"A long time ago I met a person, who aspired me to write a song. I meet many of these people every day of course, but this was -are- a very special person to me." Gackt's normally emotionless face was dragged down in a frown, making him look uttermost old and tired.
"Kono Daremo Inai Heya de."
You still just stood there, doing his best to hold Gackt's gaze. He wasn't really sure where Gackt was going with all of this, but him talking was better than him shutting You out. You just couldn't handle the silence anymore...
"You," Gackt smiled softly, seeing how You didn't take the hint, "you, You-kun."
You's eyes widened as the words sunk in, "W-what?"
"You aspired me to sing, You. Without you, I don't know where I would have been today," Gackt stepped forward, looking at his hand, as it slid across the surface of the table placed where he had been standing, "And I'm not talking fame and career here; I mean mentally... Mentally... - would I ever even have learned to...?" He stopped, looking as if he regretted speaking.
"Learned what?" You held his breath, praying Gackt to go on. He might not be good at hints, but he wasn't stupid.
Gackt wrinkled his nose, as he kept looking at his hand, which had found a stop at the edge of the table, there being no more safe surface for it to cross. He studied it as if to wonder if the hand was to seek backwards; being safe in it well-known yet boring routine, or to let it fall down his side; seeking another safety, though the uncertainty, maybe finding a greater happiness.
You took a step forward, afraid but determined, grabbing the hand and lifting it from the table, clutching onto it with both of his own. He wasn't going back to the silence again. "Tell me. Please? Don't shut me out..."
Gackt looked up slowly and met his gaze.
"Love. To love," he said it softly, "I... I love you."
You actually froze hearing the words he had wanted to hear every day for the last seven years. The words he too had been wanting to say, but never had... Gackt was an artist; breathing and living for his music with every heartbeat. The rest was merely shadows in his life. And You knew that he could never be the one bringing a light into that 'darkness'; it had to be Gackt himself. So therefore he had waited, though at times it had been killing him; all those endless nights inflicted in all the endless questions from his heart. What if Gackt didn't feel the same? Was he supposed to live with him forever - only loving him in silence? Would he? Could he?
But now... finally... the light. But why... why all this pain? They were supposed to be happy...
Slowly You felt Gackt's hand, still held between his own, inflicting itself in one of his, his other hand seeking You's cheek. His touch was so endlessly soft. As he leaned in, You felt his heart racing faster than he thought ever possible. He could do nothing but close his eyes, only to have these shoot open in surprise as a kiss ghosted over his other cheek.
"So... My last song was for you... I'm not doing music anymore..."
He walked into the room, leaving You standing there, his system closing down as each word sunk in. His last song... last...? ... But he loves me...he loves me...he said so.
"Gackt?!" You ran into the room, grabbing onto Gackt's shoulder, turning him around violently. "What the hell are you talking about?" You shook the slender man, the frustrations taking over his body completely, "You can't just... and then... just..."
Gackt did nothing to stop his friend's violent act and soon You himself slowed down, only to stand with his hands resting -clutching- on Gackt's shoulders; pressing hard, but merely standing, "Why are you leaving... me?"
"I'm just waking up, You, and though it took time, I've finally spoken about the reason for my tears. My dreams should never be more real than reality; more wanted for me. I don't live in a world like that, You-kun; I want to see my dreams when awake- fulfilled... but what if there's a dream I cannot have?" Gackt pushed You's hands away and turned around once more, "When it's all I've ever wanted..."
"But I love you..." You could hear a voice so small and tiny, he would have never guess it to be his own, if not this had made Gackt turn around; disbelieve roughly painted on his face.
"But..." Gackt's eyes now turned glassy, the tears only held back by his well-known stubbornness, "No... You, please, don't do this to me. I can't... I have to go. You're better off without me... You are..."
"I love you," You stepped forwards, letting a hard cup Gackt's face and as he tried to turn his face away, You held it in place. "Why do you always have to be so damn strong?" He let his thumb caress the soft skin under Gackt's eye, this soon being wetted by the falling tears.
"Someone has to be." he managed to say, trying to meet You's gaze.
"Let it not be you then." You had no idea where he got the strength or courage from, but he now cupped Gackt's face with both hands and kissed him softly. On the mouth.
He could taste the salted tears and as they unwillingly broke apart for air, he started kissing them away. Gackt was crying freely now, his arms pressing around You's slim waist, pressing him so endlessly close, as if to never let go again. You smiled and placed a single, soft kiss on the other man's forehead.
"You're such an idiot, Gaku. Leaving me, because you love me? What a fucked up plan indeed... Idiot... I never needed you to be strong for me. I can take care of myself, you know?" he stated matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow at the smaller man.
"Well, there's a first time for everything, I guess." Gackt snorted while trying to smile, trying to joke, but he soon gave up and buried his face in You's shoulder - as if he was desperately holding on to a dream - and You was clutching onto Gackt, just as hard as Gackt was clutching onto him... The same dream... they really were soul mates.
How long they stood like that, in the room bathed in moonlight, holding each other, just breathing in the sense of what they had missed for so long, were unknown and unimportant to both of them.
"Promise me," You softly drew his shoulder back, freeing Gackt's face, looking right into his swollen eyes, "Promise me you won't stop making music. It's who you are, Gaku... How could you ever live without it?" He arched an eyebrow, as Gackt shook his head softly and then started nuzzling his nose against You's neck. And though this sent butterflies terrorizing his whole body, You wasn't that easily distracted. He redrew once more, giving Gackt the look of 'tell me, or you'll regret it'.
"Well, without you, there'd be no music in my life. No reasons to sing. No reasons to play." Gackt smiled shyly and kissed You passionately.
It might have sounded like an overused cliché to anyone but him, but it was the truth spoken out of a sincere heart, for You knew Gackt. His soul mate. His love.
"Then let's make music." he said slyly, pushing Gackt onto the bed, letting gentle yet demanding kisses rain upon him. Oh, he was going to give Gackt a reason for singing -and something to sing about indeed.
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