FicWad

Chapter Four
RATING: NC-17
WARNINGS: Nudity, bad language, innuendo, A.U.
SPOILERS: This is is a Sixth Year story so spoilers for the previous five years may be contained herein.


The next morning started for Harry with a highly embarrassing trip to the bathroom with Daphne for the usual morning ablutions. It only got worse to his mind after the shower. Neville and Tracy started giggling when they heard Daphne's voice float through the door, "Stop gaping like a fish Potter and pass the toilet paper. What? You didn't know that girls poop too?"

His embarrassment disappeared however when they exited and he saw a man in a hooded robe seeming to loom over Poppy Pomfrey, the school nurse. Before anyone could react his wand was in his hand and a thick red stunner hit the stranger's back.

The man, who wore a long, white, hooded, robe didn't even shake his head. As if the the spell was a tap on the shoulder he merely turned and said, "Your pardon Mr. Potter, I imagine that looked rather sinister to you. I was merely conversing with my colleague though. No harm meant or done."

Madame Pomfrey scolded him, "Harry! This is an Unspeakable from the Department of Mysteries," Madame Pomfrey said. "He was called in by the Medical researchers of St. Mungo's after they were stumped as well. He's here to explain his findings and answer questions."

The man handed Harry and Daphne both a small vial of clear liquid, "Drink this now. I'll go talk to the other two first because their case is easier but you shouldn't wait, just in case."

Harry and Daphne both looked at the vials dubiously. Harry said, "I'll go first."

"Bugger that Potter," she said. "On three, one, two, three," on three she drank and Harry drank with her.

"Phoenix tears?" Harry guessed. He'd never actually tasted them but the feeling of well-being they created was pretty unforgettable.

The Unspeakable, who had started away turned back and said, "That's right. Hmm, perhaps after I answer your questions you'd be willing to answer some of mine?"

Harry smiled, "It's very likely that we can work something out."

The man nodded and walked over to Tracy and Neville. Daphne sighed, "More adventures you'd rather not talk about?"

"Mostly the same ones really," Harry said. “But it sounds like you’ll be hearing about some now anyway.” Then he notices they can’t hear anything from the others even though they are only a few feet away. “He must have put up a silent privacy spell. “

“Well he is an Unspeakable,” Daphne said. “He probably knows a lot more than just medicine.”

“I guess that’s a good thing for us,” Harry said. “Want to go sit and read Transfiguration until he’s finished?”

“Sure,” Daphne replied. “Let’s go.”

They held up the book with their free hand on either end and turned the pages with their joined hand. Soon the Unspeakable came by and they put the book down.

The man makes an intricate pass with his wand while turning in a slow circle, ”We’re private now and I will not speak of anything related to your case or any questions you answer while inside this privacy bubble. This case was made both harder and more interesting because of the unusual state of Mr. Potter’s blood. Simply put Mr. Potter you should be dead several times over.” He pulled from his cloak a spiral bound notebook. This he set floating in the air along with a fountain pen which started to make notes as he did diagnostic spells. Harry recognized the first few from his many times in the infirmary but the rest were new.

“What manner of parchment is that?” Daphne asked. “I’ve seen Granger use a similar one but she just rolls her eyes when I ask her.”

Harry chuckled, “It’s a notebook. Muggles use them to write in and the funny looking quill is a fountain pen in case that was your next question. Hermione probably feels you should have known what they are already.”

The man smiled, “They are very useful for taking large amounts of notes and surprisingly easy to enchant. They are also much cheaper than parchment or quills.” When it’s finished writing the pen caps itself and both return to his pocket. The man straightens up and faces them squarely, “I have good news, bad news, and weird news. Which do you want first?”

Daphne said, “Bad news.” at the same time Harry said, “Weird news.” They looked at each other and Harry tried to shrug, “The weird news is usually the most urgent with me but ladies first.”

The man chuckled, “Oh I wish I had a pensieve with me to capture first hand memories from you! In any case I think I will start with the good news. This won't kill you. More good news is that I've gotten all the funding I asked for to figure this out. The preliminary findings show that the combination of the unknown potion, the draught of courage, and the ingredient you were handing her is what merged your flesh. The luck potion kept you from dying before I got here by making sure that instead of bleeding internally your blood vessels matched up and connected. Now this kept you alive but the fact that it somehow enabled all those torn vessels to connect to each other has also complicated the reversal. I suppose a stronger batch might have made sure all your vessels stayed separate as well as whole but maybe that’s a bit too much to ask from any potion.”

“Oh,” Harry said. “So if you wanted to separate us you’d need to take all those blood vessels apart and then put them back together along with all the bones and muscles?”

“Exactly,” he said. “And that’s only the first level of complexity.”

"What are the others?" Daphne asked.

He remove the notebook again and flipped through it, "Well Mr. Potter has the residue of several epic adventures still with him. Each by itself would complicate treatment but together they create a formidable puzzle." Finding his place he said, "I'm not sure if you were aware of all of these Mr. Potter and Miss Greengrass has need to know whilst she shares your blood and flesh so I'll go through these in order. First we have found the blood runes your mother drew on you in her blood that along with her sacrifice enabled you to survive the killing curse. This was activated again in your first year here and Mr. Riddle had found a way around it in your fourth year. That ritual muddied the waters further of course but it may interest you to know that as your blood and his are again different that he is no longer immune to your touch and this will be passed on to Ms. Greengrass if she spends enough time connected to you in this fashion."

Daphne gasped and Harry grinned at the idea of surprising Tom Riddle with that knowledge.

The Unspeakable continues, "Second is of course the residue of the curse itself. As you are the first we know of to survive it we have no info on what effects it might have had on you. Fortunately between the first residue and the third any effect it may have had has been otherwise washed out and should not effect either you or the solution to your joint dilemma."

"The third?" Harry asked wondering if the man meant the basilisk venom or was talking about his scar.

"The third being that scar and the dark magic that the school nurse detected but was unable to classify. We believe we have classified it properly and regardless of what we do about your mishap we would like your permission to remove it for study," the tall man said.

"I've never wanted the bloody thing so you're welcome to it!" Harry said. "I do want to know what you find out about it if possible."

The man nodded, "If it is what I think it is then I will tell you. Otherwise it will depend on what is found out." He turned a page in his notebook, "Fourth is the death of the possessed Mr. Quirell."

"Not the philosopher's stone?" Harry asked and Daphne snorted in disbelief only to gape at the researcher's next words.

"No, we detected that you've handled one briefly but it has had no real effect on you. I mean the activation of your mother's blood protections and the manner of his death. Are you aware that you breathed in some of that ash? There still traces in your lungs and anything in your lungs might enter your bloodstream even if in only truly minute amounts. The activation of the wards was the main factor but we did have to be sure it wasn't affecting Daphne in any way and part of any even near ideal solution would also remove that lingering trace from your lungs."

Daphne gags and looks horrified, "You turned him to ash? That sounds like one story I do not want to hear. Is that the reason for the phoenix tears? Seems like an expensive precaution all things considered."

"Oh no," the man said. "It was because of the basilisk venom. Which is number five so I'll briefly explain about that after we awaken Miss Greengrass. It seems she has fainted." With a brief wave he woke her up.

"Slytherin's flaming penis Potter!" Daphne shouted. "You have basilisk venom in your blood?"

Harry said, "I still have the scar from where it bit me but I'd thought the actual venom long gone."

"You may have believed, and the nurse as well, that it was purged from your system by the phoenix tears that closed the wound. However a piece of the fang is still lodged deep in your ulna, that is to say in one of the bones of your forearm, and although it has been grown over it still is potent enough that the phoenix tears previously in your system were just enough to deal with it and hence did not heal any of your other injuries, or other conditions such as your bad eyesight. Since the remaining influence of the original dose of phoenix tears would have been spread across both of your bodies we also worried about whether the venom would become newly potent. There was a small but real possibility that without the extra tears either or both of you might have died."

"I'm sorry Daphne," Harry said. "If I'd known it was still in me I would have told you."

She sighed, "I'm sure you would have Potter. Does he have any other poisons in his blood?"

The man nodded, "I found residue of seventeen others including three Muggle drugs in high enough concentrations to kill a normal boy." He shrugged, "The cells of your body however have become accustomed to the deadliest venom known. Any lesser poison will have no effect on you. A side effect you may or may not appreciate is that you can no longer become drunk."

Harry blinks, "Drugs? I don't take any...Dudley. It must have been my cousin Dudley." He sighs, "I'll have to make sure I show him my appreciation."

The man chuckles nastily, "Ah family. Mine tried to kill me too." He continued after a moment, "The next event that complicates things is Dementors. You were apparently attacked by around a hundred or so and forced to drive them off. Furthermore you did so while time traveling. You saved yourself from being kissed but that event left its mark upon you." He pauses and looked at Daphne, "No reaction this time?"

"No," Daphne replied. "I already knew about the dementors although not that they leave a permanent mark. It makes assigning them to a school an even better decision. What a lovely government we have." She frowns, "I'd ask about the time travel but I doubt Harry would want to tell me so I'll save it up with all my other questions. Please continue. I'm sure there are more as we are only up to the end of his third year."

The man nods, "Next we were surprised to find no trace of the goblet's magics upon you but the we discovered that you had always maintained that you hadn't entered yourself."

"So the only reason I had to compete was that the government officials thought I did?" Harry asked.

The man nods and Harry groans, "Well old Barty Crouch is dead and I need the Chief Warlock at least until moldyshorts is dead so I guess I'll let it go. For now at least, but later I may just go kick me some ancient arse."

The unspeakable laughs and Daphne looks scandalized, "Does, does HE know what you call him Potter?" She was looking around like she expected death eaters to pop up any second.

"He does," Harry said grinning. "I've said it to his face."

She shuddered, "You've got great big brass ones Potter."

The unspeakable chuckles, "Well I'd imagine you'd know that by now. The main residue from your fourth year is from the ritual to resurrect Tom Riddle and from some of the curses he used on you during your duel. I guess it's unnecessary to tell you most people who have dueled him one on one are dead? In fact the people who have walked away from such are limited to you and Albus Dumbledore."

"Whose arse you want to kick," Daphne added.

The Unspeakable smiles, "That brings us to last year and your break in to our department. A blood quill is a horrible way to start a year but arguably being possessed is worse. Maybe one day you'll tell me how you kicked him out of your mind? Regular Occlumency would not have worked."

Harry smirked, "I used my fantasies of Daphne."

Daphne snorted, "While I'm sure you have them Potter, I doubt that would work."

"Well it might," the medical research unspeakable said. "It would depend on how much he enjoyed them. Emotions have power and he could have used that to rid himself of the invading entity but I believe he was just teasing you."

She snorted again, "I don't need to be an unspeakable to figure that out. So was that it or did he wrestle a nundu over the summer?"

The man smiles, "No that was it. So you can see how all this plus the potions make this a very complex problem. It will likely take me until December to come up with a solution I feel confident enough in to try. In the mean I'll leave you with a communication crystal. If you feel any odd effects or strange pains contact me immediately. Also if you wish to give me more data to assuage my curiosity call me anytime. When I have a fix I want to try I'll contact you." He tosses a crystal on the bed and cancels the privacy field.

He says to all four of them, "You may all talk to each other or anyone else about your diagnosis if you wish but its entirely up to you who you tell." Then he speaks briefly to the nurse and leaves.