Categories > Games > Final Fantasy 7
To Make Matters Worse
3 ReviewsWhat if Barret helped Cloud rescue Tifa from Don Corneo.
To make matters worse, Barret showed up in Sector Six while Cloud was bring handed a shiny tiara by the materia shop owner.
"Yo, who's that for, Cloud? Is that a present for Tifa? Or, hey, who's this little lady?"
"Aeris Gainsborough," she said, letting Barret crush her tiny hand in his great big mitt.
"The name's Barret, Barret Wallace," he replied. "My pleasure," he said, not quite letting go of her hand. Cloud felt a twinge in his gut (was it jealousy?) as Aeris smiled at Barret.
"Excuse me," the turbaned shop owner said, "I'd like to enjoy my energy drinks in private, please." They all looked at each other. Cloud shrugged. Everyone filed outside.
"I got worried bout Tifa," Barret explained, "And I remembered how she got all shifty-eyed when we were talking bout Don Corneo, so I came on out here. Left Marlene with Jessie."
"We've got everything under control," Cloud said, trying to keep the bundle of fashion accessories behind his back.
"What are you talking about, Cloud?" Aeris asked, exasperated. "We can use all the help we can get." She leaned forward on her toes with her hands clasped in front of her. "Anyway, the more the merrier, I always say," she added, ignoring Cloud's violent gestures for her to stop. He was drawing his finger across his throat repeatedly when Barret looked over.
"Is that a feather boa?" he asked, eyeing the purple froth of feathers spilling out of Cloud's hand. Cloud shoved it back behind him desperately.
"What you got there, eh?" Barret tried to catch a glimpse, but Cloud kept spinning around quickly, keeping his back to Barret.
Aeris startled them both out of their strange little dance when she said, matter-of-factly, "Cloud's going to dress up like a woman."
Barret's eyes grew as big as dinner plates and he backed away from Cloud uneasily. "Yo, Spikey, I never knew you swung that way."
"No, silly," Aeris planted her fists on her hips. "He has to so we can sneak into Don Corneo's mansion and save Tifa."
"What?" Barret shook his head. "I say we just bust on in there, not get dressed up in no sissy girls' clothes."
"Barret Wallace," Aeris said, in that tone of voice. She'd only just learned his name and she was using it like that. She was just that kind of girl, Cloud reflected. "If you care about Tifa you can't risk causing a commotion and getting her hurt."
"Now, let's see," Aeris ticked things off on her fingers. "We'll need a dress first thing, and also a wig and another tiara. Cloud, you can share your sexy cologne, oh and I wanna try some too by the way. Oh, but where was our next stop?"
Cloud rubbed his face with his hand, tiredly. He'd missed the moment in which Aeris steamrollered his plans to not have Barret know anything at all about this horrible, horrible idea of hers. He might as well just capitulate gracefully now.
"Uh, The Honeybee Inn," Cloud muttered, face flushed with embarrassment.
"Heh, now you're talking," Barret grinned.
Cloud turned redder. Oh god, he was really going to have to do this, wasn't he, go into a place like that with Barret?
"Boys," Aeris said sternly. "You're only there to get your makeup done and do some reconnaissance."
Barret chuckled, "Reconnaissance. That what they calling it these days?"
XxXxX
There were only two rooms available at the Inn.
"The Group Room," Cloud read out loud. "Um, I guess we should try this one."
Barret was fidgeting with his gun arm in a way that was making the bee girl goggle at them.
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked. "I thought you were excited."
"Yeah, but I'm nervous now." Barret went back to fidgeting. Cloud stopped with his hand on the door handle. "But how come?"
"Oh, just open it already," Barret yelled, causing the bee girl to bustle over, "before the anticipation kills me." The bee girl opened the door for them, despite the fact that Cloud was perfectly capable and she let them inside.
It was empty. The bee girl hurried out and closed the door behind them. There was a red heart-shaped hot tub in the corner that looked big enough to accommodate a small army. Cheesy music played softly in the background and there were pink and purple pillows strewn across the floor. A frightening realization began to come over Cloud. He began to be sorry that they'd chosen to disobey Aeris' command. "You don't suppose they think that we . . ."
Before he could complete his thoughts a whole pile of men crowded into the room with them.
"What the hell's going on here?" Barret roared.
"Whoa, calm down, Bubby," the half-dressed glistening-with-oil man urged. "I'm Mukki and I know just what you need to relax.
XxXxX
Cloud had seen Barret naked. Cloud had seen Barret naked and Barret had seen him also naked. He wanted to end his life now. There were no words to describe the horror of it all. It wouldn't have been so bad in a locker room or something, but in The Honeybee Inn with its cheesy red lights and thick purple carpet and the hot tub that 15 men had crowded into, it was a different story.
Someone had called him "little guy," which made Cloud's penis shrivel up more even in the heat. No one called Barret "little guy." He was very proportionate. Cloud considered scouring out his brain with the industrial strength cleaning solvent they used on their weapons in Soldier. Cloud squeezed his eyes shut and the bee girl slapped his wrist.
"Don't squinch your eyes up like that or I'll never get this eye shadow on."
Cloud wanted to kill something or cry, he wasn't sure which.
The worst part had been when one of the big burly men pinched his cheek and told him to come back any time. No, the worst part had been when Mukki asked Cloud and Barret to join his Young Bubby's Group. No, the worst part had been when Mukki handed Cloud some slinky pieces of women's underwear and said it was a special memento of their evening. No, the worst part was definitely when Barret snatched the black bikini briefs and left Cloud with the red lacy corset and panties.
Barret shook his fist and bee girls scattered.
"You made me up to look like a ho," he bellowed.
XxXxX
"Okay, where to next," Cloud asked wearily, after they'd traversed Wall Market from one end to another, gathering the items all over again for Barret this time. Cloud had done so many squats his thighs felt like jello and he'd blown another wad of gil at the hotel to get that creepy shopkeeper some more items from the vending machine.
"Now we go pick up your dress," Aeris cheered. Barret and Cloud shot her looks laced with daggers, artillery and mako cannons.
XxXxX
The dressing-room curtains shook violently.
"Yo, how'd you talk me into this shit, Cloud?"
Cloud rubbed his forehead and hiked up his stockings. "I didn't. I told you we'd be fine without you." He sighed deeply.
Aeris dragged Barret out, slowly, very slowly. "Goodness, Mr. Wallace, you certainly are strong," she said.
Barret stood there in a glittery silvery sequined cocktail gown. "Say one word, any of ya, and you're dead," he threatened.
"Isn't he gorgeous?" Aeris asked. No one responded. Barret's eye twitched. "Okay, off we go?" Aeris said cheerfully.
"You mean I ain't embarrassed myself enough?" Barret shouted. "I gotta be seen in public like this?"
"Oh, Barret," Aeris said sweetly. "Stop making such a fuss. Just think of poor Tifa. Why, Don Corneo could be putting his grubby paws all over her right now." Barret started shaking his fists and growling inarticulately.
"More lady-like please, Miss Barret," Aeris grinned.
"Let's get this over with," Cloud suggested.
Barret left the dress shop reluctantly, muttering about how he'd have to kill everyone who'd seen him like this.
XxXxX
"Don't you laugh, Tifa. Don't you dare. I did all of this for you."
"Oh but you two are so adorable," Tifa bit her lip. "Okay, I won't laugh. I promise."
"Come on, don't keep the Don waiting," one of Corneo's thugs said, tacking on something like "dizzy dames" under his breath.
Barret cocked his gun arm and squinted at the man, opening his mouth, but Cloud covered Barret's mouth with his hand in time to stop up the shout and turn it into muffled grunts.
"We'll give them a beating later. Let's not waste all of this effort by blowing our cover now, okay? /Please/. Cloud added pathetically. Barret breathed against his palm and nodded.
"Show time, girls," Aeris fluted over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs ahead of them.
"Barret," Cloud hissed. "Girls don't check out the other girls' asses."
"Gawd, you're sucking all of the fun right out of this, you know?" Barret grumbled.
They filed dutifully into the door of the Don's private chamber. He crouched behind his desk like a toad, like a toad in a leisure suit. Cloud winced.
"All right ladies, line up in front of the Don," one of his heavies demanded.
Don Corneo leaped over the desk and started scrutinizing them closely. Cloud sweated under his stockings and makeup and tried his best to avoid the Don's creepy gaze. Barret, on the other hand glared at Corneo defiantly with his brightly painted lips curled up in a sneer. He tugged at a fishnet stocking defiantly. "Will you make up your mind already, buster?" he asked, at least remembering to try to say it in a falsetto tone.
The Don blinked. "My mind's made up," he said. "I choose this smouldering, passionate, angry lady." He pointed at Barret.
Suddenly the whole fiasco was almost worth it. Cloud had to be dragged out of the room, by Aeris and Tifa, since he was doubled up with helpless laughter.
XxXxX
When they got back to the Don's room after dealing with his guards, the Don was curled up in a corner, clutching his sensitive parts and moaning softly.
"What happened?" Cloud asked.
"I kicked him in the nuts," was all Barret would ever say no matter how much he was questioned, bribed or plied with drink.
"Yo, who's that for, Cloud? Is that a present for Tifa? Or, hey, who's this little lady?"
"Aeris Gainsborough," she said, letting Barret crush her tiny hand in his great big mitt.
"The name's Barret, Barret Wallace," he replied. "My pleasure," he said, not quite letting go of her hand. Cloud felt a twinge in his gut (was it jealousy?) as Aeris smiled at Barret.
"Excuse me," the turbaned shop owner said, "I'd like to enjoy my energy drinks in private, please." They all looked at each other. Cloud shrugged. Everyone filed outside.
"I got worried bout Tifa," Barret explained, "And I remembered how she got all shifty-eyed when we were talking bout Don Corneo, so I came on out here. Left Marlene with Jessie."
"We've got everything under control," Cloud said, trying to keep the bundle of fashion accessories behind his back.
"What are you talking about, Cloud?" Aeris asked, exasperated. "We can use all the help we can get." She leaned forward on her toes with her hands clasped in front of her. "Anyway, the more the merrier, I always say," she added, ignoring Cloud's violent gestures for her to stop. He was drawing his finger across his throat repeatedly when Barret looked over.
"Is that a feather boa?" he asked, eyeing the purple froth of feathers spilling out of Cloud's hand. Cloud shoved it back behind him desperately.
"What you got there, eh?" Barret tried to catch a glimpse, but Cloud kept spinning around quickly, keeping his back to Barret.
Aeris startled them both out of their strange little dance when she said, matter-of-factly, "Cloud's going to dress up like a woman."
Barret's eyes grew as big as dinner plates and he backed away from Cloud uneasily. "Yo, Spikey, I never knew you swung that way."
"No, silly," Aeris planted her fists on her hips. "He has to so we can sneak into Don Corneo's mansion and save Tifa."
"What?" Barret shook his head. "I say we just bust on in there, not get dressed up in no sissy girls' clothes."
"Barret Wallace," Aeris said, in that tone of voice. She'd only just learned his name and she was using it like that. She was just that kind of girl, Cloud reflected. "If you care about Tifa you can't risk causing a commotion and getting her hurt."
"Now, let's see," Aeris ticked things off on her fingers. "We'll need a dress first thing, and also a wig and another tiara. Cloud, you can share your sexy cologne, oh and I wanna try some too by the way. Oh, but where was our next stop?"
Cloud rubbed his face with his hand, tiredly. He'd missed the moment in which Aeris steamrollered his plans to not have Barret know anything at all about this horrible, horrible idea of hers. He might as well just capitulate gracefully now.
"Uh, The Honeybee Inn," Cloud muttered, face flushed with embarrassment.
"Heh, now you're talking," Barret grinned.
Cloud turned redder. Oh god, he was really going to have to do this, wasn't he, go into a place like that with Barret?
"Boys," Aeris said sternly. "You're only there to get your makeup done and do some reconnaissance."
Barret chuckled, "Reconnaissance. That what they calling it these days?"
XxXxX
There were only two rooms available at the Inn.
"The Group Room," Cloud read out loud. "Um, I guess we should try this one."
Barret was fidgeting with his gun arm in a way that was making the bee girl goggle at them.
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked. "I thought you were excited."
"Yeah, but I'm nervous now." Barret went back to fidgeting. Cloud stopped with his hand on the door handle. "But how come?"
"Oh, just open it already," Barret yelled, causing the bee girl to bustle over, "before the anticipation kills me." The bee girl opened the door for them, despite the fact that Cloud was perfectly capable and she let them inside.
It was empty. The bee girl hurried out and closed the door behind them. There was a red heart-shaped hot tub in the corner that looked big enough to accommodate a small army. Cheesy music played softly in the background and there were pink and purple pillows strewn across the floor. A frightening realization began to come over Cloud. He began to be sorry that they'd chosen to disobey Aeris' command. "You don't suppose they think that we . . ."
Before he could complete his thoughts a whole pile of men crowded into the room with them.
"What the hell's going on here?" Barret roared.
"Whoa, calm down, Bubby," the half-dressed glistening-with-oil man urged. "I'm Mukki and I know just what you need to relax.
XxXxX
Cloud had seen Barret naked. Cloud had seen Barret naked and Barret had seen him also naked. He wanted to end his life now. There were no words to describe the horror of it all. It wouldn't have been so bad in a locker room or something, but in The Honeybee Inn with its cheesy red lights and thick purple carpet and the hot tub that 15 men had crowded into, it was a different story.
Someone had called him "little guy," which made Cloud's penis shrivel up more even in the heat. No one called Barret "little guy." He was very proportionate. Cloud considered scouring out his brain with the industrial strength cleaning solvent they used on their weapons in Soldier. Cloud squeezed his eyes shut and the bee girl slapped his wrist.
"Don't squinch your eyes up like that or I'll never get this eye shadow on."
Cloud wanted to kill something or cry, he wasn't sure which.
The worst part had been when one of the big burly men pinched his cheek and told him to come back any time. No, the worst part had been when Mukki asked Cloud and Barret to join his Young Bubby's Group. No, the worst part had been when Mukki handed Cloud some slinky pieces of women's underwear and said it was a special memento of their evening. No, the worst part was definitely when Barret snatched the black bikini briefs and left Cloud with the red lacy corset and panties.
Barret shook his fist and bee girls scattered.
"You made me up to look like a ho," he bellowed.
XxXxX
"Okay, where to next," Cloud asked wearily, after they'd traversed Wall Market from one end to another, gathering the items all over again for Barret this time. Cloud had done so many squats his thighs felt like jello and he'd blown another wad of gil at the hotel to get that creepy shopkeeper some more items from the vending machine.
"Now we go pick up your dress," Aeris cheered. Barret and Cloud shot her looks laced with daggers, artillery and mako cannons.
XxXxX
The dressing-room curtains shook violently.
"Yo, how'd you talk me into this shit, Cloud?"
Cloud rubbed his forehead and hiked up his stockings. "I didn't. I told you we'd be fine without you." He sighed deeply.
Aeris dragged Barret out, slowly, very slowly. "Goodness, Mr. Wallace, you certainly are strong," she said.
Barret stood there in a glittery silvery sequined cocktail gown. "Say one word, any of ya, and you're dead," he threatened.
"Isn't he gorgeous?" Aeris asked. No one responded. Barret's eye twitched. "Okay, off we go?" Aeris said cheerfully.
"You mean I ain't embarrassed myself enough?" Barret shouted. "I gotta be seen in public like this?"
"Oh, Barret," Aeris said sweetly. "Stop making such a fuss. Just think of poor Tifa. Why, Don Corneo could be putting his grubby paws all over her right now." Barret started shaking his fists and growling inarticulately.
"More lady-like please, Miss Barret," Aeris grinned.
"Let's get this over with," Cloud suggested.
Barret left the dress shop reluctantly, muttering about how he'd have to kill everyone who'd seen him like this.
XxXxX
"Don't you laugh, Tifa. Don't you dare. I did all of this for you."
"Oh but you two are so adorable," Tifa bit her lip. "Okay, I won't laugh. I promise."
"Come on, don't keep the Don waiting," one of Corneo's thugs said, tacking on something like "dizzy dames" under his breath.
Barret cocked his gun arm and squinted at the man, opening his mouth, but Cloud covered Barret's mouth with his hand in time to stop up the shout and turn it into muffled grunts.
"We'll give them a beating later. Let's not waste all of this effort by blowing our cover now, okay? /Please/. Cloud added pathetically. Barret breathed against his palm and nodded.
"Show time, girls," Aeris fluted over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs ahead of them.
"Barret," Cloud hissed. "Girls don't check out the other girls' asses."
"Gawd, you're sucking all of the fun right out of this, you know?" Barret grumbled.
They filed dutifully into the door of the Don's private chamber. He crouched behind his desk like a toad, like a toad in a leisure suit. Cloud winced.
"All right ladies, line up in front of the Don," one of his heavies demanded.
Don Corneo leaped over the desk and started scrutinizing them closely. Cloud sweated under his stockings and makeup and tried his best to avoid the Don's creepy gaze. Barret, on the other hand glared at Corneo defiantly with his brightly painted lips curled up in a sneer. He tugged at a fishnet stocking defiantly. "Will you make up your mind already, buster?" he asked, at least remembering to try to say it in a falsetto tone.
The Don blinked. "My mind's made up," he said. "I choose this smouldering, passionate, angry lady." He pointed at Barret.
Suddenly the whole fiasco was almost worth it. Cloud had to be dragged out of the room, by Aeris and Tifa, since he was doubled up with helpless laughter.
XxXxX
When they got back to the Don's room after dealing with his guards, the Don was curled up in a corner, clutching his sensitive parts and moaning softly.
"What happened?" Cloud asked.
"I kicked him in the nuts," was all Barret would ever say no matter how much he was questioned, bribed or plied with drink.
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