Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > She will love you
Chapter two
2 ReviewsMikey speaks to Gerard, but does it help?
"Mikey... Come on bro'... please..." Gerard begged, sighing and wrapping his arms around his knees. He had spent the last hour stood outside Mikey's bedroom door, trying to make him come out. Or at least talk to him. But all he got in response was the sound of his little brother crying and he was beginning to wonder whether he should just bash the door down.
He had finally slumped down the door and was sat against it, waiting for Frank to arrive and help him out, Mikey's sobbing much quieter but still there.
"Mikey, will you talk to me? Please. I'm worried about you." Gerard said softly and he heard Mikey sniffling. He waited, wondering if Mikey was going to come out now, but after a long pause he realized he wasn’t.
"Mikey, open the door." He sighed and he heard a muffled 'no'. Gerard groaned and pushed his fingers through his hair, trying to keep his temper and his sanity in check.
"Mikey... please open the door... If you don’t I'll end up kicking it in." He warned but Mikey didnt do anything and Gerard resisted the urge to bash his head against the floor. Teenagers could be so bloody stubborn.
"Gee?" Gerard looked up to see Frank in the hallway, looking up the stairs at him. They were so close (and Gerard was usually in his room with earphones in) that Frank usually just let himself into the house without knocking. He saw the frustrated look on Gerard’s face and started up the stairs.
"Are you okay? Where’s Mikey?" He asked, worry lacing his voice, Gerard stretched his arms out and Frank curled up into his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting Gerard rest his head on his shoulder.
"He's in his room. He won’t come out and he won’t talk to me." He sighed and Frank frowned, looking at Mikeys bedroom door over his shoulder.
"What’s wrong with him? You weren’t making much sense on the phone." Frank said softly and Gerard shrugged, shaking his head sadly.
"I don’t know, he went out for an hour and when he came back he was upset. He... He said he was a freak and then locked himself in his room. I don’t know what happened." He admitted and Frank chewed thoughtfully on his lip ring, turning his head so that it was side - on to the door.
"Mikey? You in there?" He called and a small sniffle told him he was. "It’s me, Frank. Are you okay man? Why don’t you come out and talk to us?" He said gently and inside the room, where he couldn’t be seen, Mikey shook his head.
"Don’t wanna..." He whined into his pillow and outside the room Gerard and Frank looked at each other.
"See?" Gerard sighed and Frank pouted, thinking.
"Well... if you don’t want to talk to us you could at least just come out. Have some dinner and watch a movie with us or something. I promise we won’t force you to tell us what happened." Frank said softly and Gerard raised his eyebrows at him, evidently not happy with this deal. He began to shake his head but was cut short when the sound of the door unlocking could be heard. Frank gave a smug grin and Gerard rolled his eyes, getting to his feet, pulling Frank up with him. They turned to face the door as it was slowly pulled open and Mikey emerged, looking down at the floor. His eyes were red and he had taken his glasses off, somehow making him look even more vulnerable. His cheeks were tear stained and puffy and he was biting his lower lip.
"You okay Mikey?" Gerard asked softly, feeling his heart ache. Mikey gave a small nod before his lip wobbled and he shook his head instead. He held his arms out with a whimper and Gerard instantly pulled him into an embrace, holding him tight.
"I - I'm s - sorry..." He whimpered and Gerard gave a desperate look to Frank who looked just as heart broken as Gee did. Frank saw Mikey as his brother too and he squeezed his shoulder gently as Gerard held him.
"You don’t need to be sorry Mikey..." Gerard said uncertainly and Mikey nodded into his brother’s shoulder, not wanting to admit he did feel much better enveloped in warm arms. He had never been good at comforting himself.
"I know you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong bro' but please... I'm so worried about you; it kills me not knowing what’s wrong. I promise I wont comment or anything if you don’t want me too." Gerard said softly and Mikey tensed in his arms for a moment before nodding silently, reaching up to wipe his tears away.
"O - Okay..." He mumbled and Gerard smiled with relief, Frank grinning broadly and giving Mikeys shoulder another squeeze.
"Your a good kid Mikes. How about we get some dinner first, cos' I don’t know about you but I'm starved." He chuckled and Gerard rolled his eyes.
"Everybody meet Frank, the guy with the bottomless stomach." He joked flatly, making Mikey giggle softly as Gerard pulled back. He smiled warmly at his brother before slinging an arm over his shoulders and walking with him down the stairs as Frank ran infront, practically dancing into the kitchen to warm the food up which had gone cold.
"I know you don’t really wanna tell me Mikey. But... I just want to help you bro'. I hate to see you upset." He said softly, looking over at Mikey who avoided his gaze and nodded.
"I know..." He sighed. "I will tell you... Just... don’t say its stupid okay?" He asked, looking over at Gerard with innocent eyes. Gerard gave a sad smile and nodded.
"I wont. I promise." He swore and Mikey relaxed a little, giving a grateful smile.
Gerard could barely sit still as they ate. Mikey was still trembling a little and he ate his food slowly, almost delicately, which was not like him. He wouldn’t tell them a thing until he had eaten, much to Frank’s agreement, and so Gerard was left wondering what could possibly have happened - but his imagination seemed to be going a bit insane and everything he thought up was too dramatic. After all, was it possible for Mikey to get kidnapped and raped in only one hour?
He shuddered at the thought.
When they eventually cleared the plates away Gerard was feeling ready to hit his head against the floor again. He was a protective brother, and it was killing him to see Mikey upset and not know the reason why, but he somehow managed to wait patiently until they all had coffee's and were sat in the living room before saying anything.
"So Mikes." He began and Mikey looked up at him with those puppy dog eyes. "Will you tell me what happened?" Gerard asked softly and beside him he felt Frank tense slightly, waiting for Mikeys reply.
Mikey chewed his bottom lip for a moment, contemplating before giving a sigh and nodding.
"Okay but... you promised not to say its stupid, remember?" He asked, avoiding Gerard’s gaze and staring down at his hands circled round the coffee cup instead. Gerard nodded, relaxing a little. Any explanation that began like that couldn’t be too dramatic.
"I remember." He whispered and Mikey nodded again, tapping his long fingers on the rim of his cup, taking a deep breath.
"Okay... well... you know before... when I talked to you about... being normal?" He asked quietly and Gerard nodded, Frank along with him - Gerard told Frank everything, and so he too knew about the conversation the brothers had shared.
"The sex thing?" Gerard asked and Mikeys eyes shot up to meet his as his cheeks flushed, a scowl on his face.
"Its not about sex!" He cried and Gerard leaned back a little, holding up a hand as a sign of peace.
"Okay, okay - I meant, about everyone in your class having partners?" He quickly rephrased and Mikey relaxed, nodding as he breathed out.
"Yeah." He said in his exhale of breath, looking down at his hands once more before continuing. "Well... There’s this boy who sits by me in art, the one I went to meet tonight - Ryan." Mikey paused for a moment and then continued talking, his words spilling out in a rush. "And he's really good looking, I mean - I know he is. But... anyway, he's my friend and I could tell he really liked me and he's one of the best looking boys in school so I met him tonight, and I knew he wanted to meet up with me cos' he likes me in that way, and I thought maybe I could like him back. I mean, he's really nice and I like him as a friend, and I know everyone else really thinks he looks good so I should like him back - I mean - I'm supposed to like him like that. Because anyone else would. So I met him in the park and we talked for a bit and then he asked me if I would kiss him - because he likes me - and I did kiss him because well... that’s normal isn’t it? But it was all wrong... it wasn’t right." Mikey groaned and dropped his head into his hands, tugging at his hair and shaking his head as Gerard and Frank listened with confused expressions.
"I mean, I could tell he liked it. But I didnt - It wasn’t gross or anything, but I didnt enjoy it like I was supposed to. Everyone always says that kissing is loads of fun but it wasn’t really very fun at all and I know I should like him back, like - really like him - but I don’t. I only like him as my friend and its not fair on him because he likes me and I led him on and hurt him and I shouldn’t have done that and now he's upset." Mikey began to cry once more and Gerard and Frank glanced at each other before they both slid off the sofa onto the floor and wrapped their arms around Mikey on either side of him.
"Aww Mikey, I'm sure Ryan’s okay." Frank said softly, petting Mikeys hair as Gerard kissed his temple.
"Yeah bro' don’t worry. If he's your friend he'll understand." Gerard assured him, but Mikey shook his head, sniffling.
"You didnt see his face... and its not just that. I didnt like the kiss. I didnt like it Gee, and I should have. I'm not normal." Mikey whined before beginning to cry harder and Gerard glanced at Frank over Mikeys shoulder. Franks look of concern mirrored that of Gerard’s and they both tightened their grip on the youngest Way.
"Mikey... do you remember what I said to you, when we had that conversation?" Gerard asked softly and Mikey nodded.
"Yeah, you said not to go and do anything just to try and be normal but Gee I had - " Gerard cut him off quickly before he could continue.
"Not that. I meant the thing where I told you you probably wont like anyone until you meet that one person your gonna spend the rest of your life with. I don’t know who this Ryan kid is, but it doesn’t matter if he's the most good looking guy in the world, if you don’t like him than more than a friend it doesn’t make you weird Mikey." He said gently and Mikey looked up at his brother through teary eyes.
"But I don’t like anyone." He whimpered and Gerard smiled softly, pulling Mikeys glasses away so that he could wipe the tears from his cheeks.
"That doesn’t make you weird either. Mikey your still only young - I know you don’t feel like it but you are. Don’t worry about stuff like this right now, you'll find someone." He promised and Frank nodded, cupping Mikeys face and turning it round to face him so he could wipe some tears away too.
"Yeah, and besides Mikey, finding a boyfriend should be the last thing you do right now. Focus on your school work and don’t worry what everyone else is doing. All those kids in your class who have a partner are just fooling around - they probably don’t even like the person their with. They just do it to look cool, but your not like that Mikey. That’s the only reason you don’t want anyone right now, its not because your weird or a freak, its because your a good kid." Frank said warmly, grinning at Mikey, Gerard smiling when he saw Mikeys tears begin to slow, a hesitant smile tugging at his lips.
"Really?" He asked, sniffing away the last of his tears and Gerard turned his face back round to look at him and smiled.
"Really Mikes. Don’t worry about it, and just explain to Ryan that you still want him as a friend when you next see him and I'm sure everything will be okay." He promised and Mikeys smile became more certain as he nodded, leaning forward to let Gerard hug him close.
"Okay... thanks Gee." He said quietly and Gerard smiled, squeezing him tight.
"Don’t mention it." He laughed and Mikey turned his head to look at Frank.
"Thanks Frankie." He added with a warm smile and Frank grinned, ruffling his hair and giggling when Mikey whined and tried to flatten it.
"S'cool Mikey." He laughed and Gerard chuckled, placing Mikeys glasses back onto his face for him. Mikey smiled at him, wiping the wetness from his cheeks and raising his cup to his lips, sipping at the coffee.
"I guess your right..." He consented and Gerard nudged him lightly.
"I'm always right bro'." He joked and Frank scoffed, making Gerard look at him. "Ya' got something to say Iero?" He asked with a snarl and Frank smirked, examining his nails casually.
"I was just thinking about all those times I've proved you wrong about stuff." He said sweetly, and Gerard glared at him, moving past Mikey to tackle Frank onto his back and tickling his ribs mercilessly. Frank squealed and scratched at Gerard’s hands, laughing breathlessly as he kicked his legs, Mikey giggling as he watched.
"Ah... fuck hahaha, okay I give - hahaha - I GIVE!" He cried, and Gerard relented moving his hands away with a smug grin, Frank remained lying on his back, panting a little.
"Ugh... My insides are vibrating..." He groaned and Gerard spluttered with laughter, Frank giving him a death glare. Mikey laughed quietly and turned his face away, sighing a little as Gerard got busy apologizing since Frank could hold grudges for all of America.
He wondered if he would ever have moments like that with a guy. Wondered if he could ever have a boyfriend he'd love as much as Gerard loved Frank. He too wanted to have sweet moments, and playful moments, and be able to hold and kiss someone and really enjoy it. He thought kissing Ryan would have proved to him that he could enjoy being with someone, but it had proved the opposite. And now he had wasted his first kiss, and it hadn’t been the magical moment every one always described it as.
"Hey Mikes, your okay aren’t you?" Asked Gerard and Mikey realized he and Frank had stopped talking. He blushed a little and fixed a smile onto his face before turning to look at them both.
"I'm fine." He said brightly, clutching his coffee cup tightly. Gerard gave him a skeptical look as Frank sit up, also looking at Mikey in concern. "Really, I'm okay." Mikey insisted, wishing they wouldn’t worry so much. They didnt understand what it was like for him, being unable to look at a guy and want him. Even if the kids in his class were just fooling around - at least they felt the desire to. But Mikey didnt, and he couldn’t understand why.
Was he just a perfectionist? And no one did anything for him because they didnt fit the unrealistic image he had unwillingly concocted in his head? Or was something in his brain wrong? The part that sends the emotions of love and lust. But he did feel lust, he was a normal teenage boy in all those ways - like... morning problems... and he dreamt of sex, he knew he did but he couldn’t remember the dreams. So he had no idea who the person had been. He would just wake up with a smile and wish that whoever the dream person was - they were real. It was beyond frustrating.
Gerard stared at Mikeys fake smile for a long moment, he could tell Mikey was lieing to him, but he didnt know what to do about it. Mikey had explained what had upset him and he and Frank had given him all the advice they could. He didnt know what else to do - it wasn’t a simple solution like when Mikey was being bullied and he could just go to the school and beat up whoever the bullies were, and it wasn’t trouble with work where he could just look up the answers on the internet and then help Mikey out who refused to cheat. This was something where he could only say what he honestly thought and hope that Mikey would believe him. Which he clearly didnt. Gerard could see there was nothing he could say or do that would put Mikeys mind at ease - and this was something that had never happened before. Gerard knew Mikey had to be the one to find out for himself that he was just as normal as every other person, so being unable to offer much help was infuriating to Gerard who had never before failed to make everything seem fine again for his younger brother.
"Thanks again guys." Mikey said softly as he got to his feet and Gerard gave him a questioning look. "I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." He explained with a small smile, just as fake as his others and Gerard sighed. A part of him wanted to demand that Mikey sat back down and talked until this was all sorted out. But he also knew that by doing so would only make things worse, not better, so he simply nodded and whispered a quiet goodnight.
Mikey left the room with a short nod and dumped his cup in the kitchen before walking up the stairs without another word, keeping his fake smile in place until he was out of view, where he sighed and his shoulders slumped.
"Gee..." Frank placed his hand softly on Gerard’s shoulder and gave a sad smile. "He'll be okay. He's just..." Frank shrugged, looking for the right word. "I dunno, going through some teenage problems I guess. You know how terrible everything seems at that age." Frank grimaced as he realized he sounded remarkably like his eighty year old grandpa, and Gerard giggled as he looked at his expression.
"I know Frankie." He sighed, his face falling once more as he placed his hand on top of Franks and moved it off his shoulder so he could lace their fingers. "I just hate seeing him upset and not being able to help... that’s never happened before." He said quietly, smiling a little when Frank crawled into his lap and cuddled into his chest, wrapping his free hand around Gerard’s waist.
"I know. But don’t worry Gee, your always here for him and he knows that, and sometimes that’s all he'll need. Just wait, in a few weeks, he'll be fine again. This is just a phase he's going through." Frank said softly, pressing a tender kiss to the space of skin between Gerard’s collar bones. Gerard closed his eyes softly and nodded, wrapping his arms securely around Frank.
"I hope so..." He whispered, tipping his head back a little as Frank trailed his kisses up to the hollow of his throat, the tender presses of lips becoming more definite, a few gentle nips thrown into the mix. Gerard smiled a little and glanced down at Frank who was moving up the curve of his throat to his Adams apple, trailing hot kisses along his skin.
"What are you doing to me Frankie?" He giggled, moving his fingers beneath the hem of Frank’s shirt to trace patterns across the skin on his lower back. Frank smirked and bit down gently on the soft skin beneath Gerard’s ear.
"What do you think I'm doing?" He answered playfully and Gerard laughed, taking hold of Franks chin to pull his face away from his neck, turning until their faces were level, Frank leaning forward to try and kiss him but Gerard placed a finger over his lips to stop him.
"Something you should be taking down to the bedroom." He answered with a playful glint in his eyes and Frank grinned, taking hold of Gerard’s wrist so he could lean forward and catch his lips in a heated kiss.
"Sounds good." He murmured against his lips and Gerard chuckled softly, getting to his feet and pulling Frank up with him, pecking his lips softly before leading the way to the door that led down into his basement room, shutting the door behind him.
Mikey moved from his spot on the stairs where he had watched them and sighed. Typical, he leaves the room for five minutes and they're all over each other. He only wanted to go and ask if Gerard had taken Saw out of his room but once reaching the stairs and looking through the living room doorway had realized perhaps Gerard was a bit busy. It was going to be one of those nights then - when he would have to wear earphones all night with the volume on high.
Mikey groaned and walked gently back up the stairs. He didnt get annoyed when Frank and Gerard did stuff like this, he knew they tried their hardest to keep quiet and usually they went to Frank’s house instead. But he had never seen them kiss like that before, though obviously he knew they did, and seeing it had only convinced him further that he could never have that. It hadn’t disgusted him to see it, but it had made him feel a strange swirling in his stomach that told him he shouldn’t try such passionate kissing with anyone or it might leaving him feeling a bit gross. It had just seemed strange to him, and he didnt know why.
Mikey crawled into his bed and grabbed his i-Pod, unraveling the head phones and sighing as he looked about his room in the semi - darkness. He had posters lining his walls of his favorite bands, and a lot of them he knew were handsome... he tried to imagine himself kissing the guitarists. Touching the front men and he found himself grimacing slightly. It didnt appeal to him at all, and he put his head phones in with a heavy heart.
He really wasn’t normal... He could feel it.
He had finally slumped down the door and was sat against it, waiting for Frank to arrive and help him out, Mikey's sobbing much quieter but still there.
"Mikey, will you talk to me? Please. I'm worried about you." Gerard said softly and he heard Mikey sniffling. He waited, wondering if Mikey was going to come out now, but after a long pause he realized he wasn’t.
"Mikey, open the door." He sighed and he heard a muffled 'no'. Gerard groaned and pushed his fingers through his hair, trying to keep his temper and his sanity in check.
"Mikey... please open the door... If you don’t I'll end up kicking it in." He warned but Mikey didnt do anything and Gerard resisted the urge to bash his head against the floor. Teenagers could be so bloody stubborn.
"Gee?" Gerard looked up to see Frank in the hallway, looking up the stairs at him. They were so close (and Gerard was usually in his room with earphones in) that Frank usually just let himself into the house without knocking. He saw the frustrated look on Gerard’s face and started up the stairs.
"Are you okay? Where’s Mikey?" He asked, worry lacing his voice, Gerard stretched his arms out and Frank curled up into his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting Gerard rest his head on his shoulder.
"He's in his room. He won’t come out and he won’t talk to me." He sighed and Frank frowned, looking at Mikeys bedroom door over his shoulder.
"What’s wrong with him? You weren’t making much sense on the phone." Frank said softly and Gerard shrugged, shaking his head sadly.
"I don’t know, he went out for an hour and when he came back he was upset. He... He said he was a freak and then locked himself in his room. I don’t know what happened." He admitted and Frank chewed thoughtfully on his lip ring, turning his head so that it was side - on to the door.
"Mikey? You in there?" He called and a small sniffle told him he was. "It’s me, Frank. Are you okay man? Why don’t you come out and talk to us?" He said gently and inside the room, where he couldn’t be seen, Mikey shook his head.
"Don’t wanna..." He whined into his pillow and outside the room Gerard and Frank looked at each other.
"See?" Gerard sighed and Frank pouted, thinking.
"Well... if you don’t want to talk to us you could at least just come out. Have some dinner and watch a movie with us or something. I promise we won’t force you to tell us what happened." Frank said softly and Gerard raised his eyebrows at him, evidently not happy with this deal. He began to shake his head but was cut short when the sound of the door unlocking could be heard. Frank gave a smug grin and Gerard rolled his eyes, getting to his feet, pulling Frank up with him. They turned to face the door as it was slowly pulled open and Mikey emerged, looking down at the floor. His eyes were red and he had taken his glasses off, somehow making him look even more vulnerable. His cheeks were tear stained and puffy and he was biting his lower lip.
"You okay Mikey?" Gerard asked softly, feeling his heart ache. Mikey gave a small nod before his lip wobbled and he shook his head instead. He held his arms out with a whimper and Gerard instantly pulled him into an embrace, holding him tight.
"I - I'm s - sorry..." He whimpered and Gerard gave a desperate look to Frank who looked just as heart broken as Gee did. Frank saw Mikey as his brother too and he squeezed his shoulder gently as Gerard held him.
"You don’t need to be sorry Mikey..." Gerard said uncertainly and Mikey nodded into his brother’s shoulder, not wanting to admit he did feel much better enveloped in warm arms. He had never been good at comforting himself.
"I know you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong bro' but please... I'm so worried about you; it kills me not knowing what’s wrong. I promise I wont comment or anything if you don’t want me too." Gerard said softly and Mikey tensed in his arms for a moment before nodding silently, reaching up to wipe his tears away.
"O - Okay..." He mumbled and Gerard smiled with relief, Frank grinning broadly and giving Mikeys shoulder another squeeze.
"Your a good kid Mikes. How about we get some dinner first, cos' I don’t know about you but I'm starved." He chuckled and Gerard rolled his eyes.
"Everybody meet Frank, the guy with the bottomless stomach." He joked flatly, making Mikey giggle softly as Gerard pulled back. He smiled warmly at his brother before slinging an arm over his shoulders and walking with him down the stairs as Frank ran infront, practically dancing into the kitchen to warm the food up which had gone cold.
"I know you don’t really wanna tell me Mikey. But... I just want to help you bro'. I hate to see you upset." He said softly, looking over at Mikey who avoided his gaze and nodded.
"I know..." He sighed. "I will tell you... Just... don’t say its stupid okay?" He asked, looking over at Gerard with innocent eyes. Gerard gave a sad smile and nodded.
"I wont. I promise." He swore and Mikey relaxed a little, giving a grateful smile.
Gerard could barely sit still as they ate. Mikey was still trembling a little and he ate his food slowly, almost delicately, which was not like him. He wouldn’t tell them a thing until he had eaten, much to Frank’s agreement, and so Gerard was left wondering what could possibly have happened - but his imagination seemed to be going a bit insane and everything he thought up was too dramatic. After all, was it possible for Mikey to get kidnapped and raped in only one hour?
He shuddered at the thought.
When they eventually cleared the plates away Gerard was feeling ready to hit his head against the floor again. He was a protective brother, and it was killing him to see Mikey upset and not know the reason why, but he somehow managed to wait patiently until they all had coffee's and were sat in the living room before saying anything.
"So Mikes." He began and Mikey looked up at him with those puppy dog eyes. "Will you tell me what happened?" Gerard asked softly and beside him he felt Frank tense slightly, waiting for Mikeys reply.
Mikey chewed his bottom lip for a moment, contemplating before giving a sigh and nodding.
"Okay but... you promised not to say its stupid, remember?" He asked, avoiding Gerard’s gaze and staring down at his hands circled round the coffee cup instead. Gerard nodded, relaxing a little. Any explanation that began like that couldn’t be too dramatic.
"I remember." He whispered and Mikey nodded again, tapping his long fingers on the rim of his cup, taking a deep breath.
"Okay... well... you know before... when I talked to you about... being normal?" He asked quietly and Gerard nodded, Frank along with him - Gerard told Frank everything, and so he too knew about the conversation the brothers had shared.
"The sex thing?" Gerard asked and Mikeys eyes shot up to meet his as his cheeks flushed, a scowl on his face.
"Its not about sex!" He cried and Gerard leaned back a little, holding up a hand as a sign of peace.
"Okay, okay - I meant, about everyone in your class having partners?" He quickly rephrased and Mikey relaxed, nodding as he breathed out.
"Yeah." He said in his exhale of breath, looking down at his hands once more before continuing. "Well... There’s this boy who sits by me in art, the one I went to meet tonight - Ryan." Mikey paused for a moment and then continued talking, his words spilling out in a rush. "And he's really good looking, I mean - I know he is. But... anyway, he's my friend and I could tell he really liked me and he's one of the best looking boys in school so I met him tonight, and I knew he wanted to meet up with me cos' he likes me in that way, and I thought maybe I could like him back. I mean, he's really nice and I like him as a friend, and I know everyone else really thinks he looks good so I should like him back - I mean - I'm supposed to like him like that. Because anyone else would. So I met him in the park and we talked for a bit and then he asked me if I would kiss him - because he likes me - and I did kiss him because well... that’s normal isn’t it? But it was all wrong... it wasn’t right." Mikey groaned and dropped his head into his hands, tugging at his hair and shaking his head as Gerard and Frank listened with confused expressions.
"I mean, I could tell he liked it. But I didnt - It wasn’t gross or anything, but I didnt enjoy it like I was supposed to. Everyone always says that kissing is loads of fun but it wasn’t really very fun at all and I know I should like him back, like - really like him - but I don’t. I only like him as my friend and its not fair on him because he likes me and I led him on and hurt him and I shouldn’t have done that and now he's upset." Mikey began to cry once more and Gerard and Frank glanced at each other before they both slid off the sofa onto the floor and wrapped their arms around Mikey on either side of him.
"Aww Mikey, I'm sure Ryan’s okay." Frank said softly, petting Mikeys hair as Gerard kissed his temple.
"Yeah bro' don’t worry. If he's your friend he'll understand." Gerard assured him, but Mikey shook his head, sniffling.
"You didnt see his face... and its not just that. I didnt like the kiss. I didnt like it Gee, and I should have. I'm not normal." Mikey whined before beginning to cry harder and Gerard glanced at Frank over Mikeys shoulder. Franks look of concern mirrored that of Gerard’s and they both tightened their grip on the youngest Way.
"Mikey... do you remember what I said to you, when we had that conversation?" Gerard asked softly and Mikey nodded.
"Yeah, you said not to go and do anything just to try and be normal but Gee I had - " Gerard cut him off quickly before he could continue.
"Not that. I meant the thing where I told you you probably wont like anyone until you meet that one person your gonna spend the rest of your life with. I don’t know who this Ryan kid is, but it doesn’t matter if he's the most good looking guy in the world, if you don’t like him than more than a friend it doesn’t make you weird Mikey." He said gently and Mikey looked up at his brother through teary eyes.
"But I don’t like anyone." He whimpered and Gerard smiled softly, pulling Mikeys glasses away so that he could wipe the tears from his cheeks.
"That doesn’t make you weird either. Mikey your still only young - I know you don’t feel like it but you are. Don’t worry about stuff like this right now, you'll find someone." He promised and Frank nodded, cupping Mikeys face and turning it round to face him so he could wipe some tears away too.
"Yeah, and besides Mikey, finding a boyfriend should be the last thing you do right now. Focus on your school work and don’t worry what everyone else is doing. All those kids in your class who have a partner are just fooling around - they probably don’t even like the person their with. They just do it to look cool, but your not like that Mikey. That’s the only reason you don’t want anyone right now, its not because your weird or a freak, its because your a good kid." Frank said warmly, grinning at Mikey, Gerard smiling when he saw Mikeys tears begin to slow, a hesitant smile tugging at his lips.
"Really?" He asked, sniffing away the last of his tears and Gerard turned his face back round to look at him and smiled.
"Really Mikes. Don’t worry about it, and just explain to Ryan that you still want him as a friend when you next see him and I'm sure everything will be okay." He promised and Mikeys smile became more certain as he nodded, leaning forward to let Gerard hug him close.
"Okay... thanks Gee." He said quietly and Gerard smiled, squeezing him tight.
"Don’t mention it." He laughed and Mikey turned his head to look at Frank.
"Thanks Frankie." He added with a warm smile and Frank grinned, ruffling his hair and giggling when Mikey whined and tried to flatten it.
"S'cool Mikey." He laughed and Gerard chuckled, placing Mikeys glasses back onto his face for him. Mikey smiled at him, wiping the wetness from his cheeks and raising his cup to his lips, sipping at the coffee.
"I guess your right..." He consented and Gerard nudged him lightly.
"I'm always right bro'." He joked and Frank scoffed, making Gerard look at him. "Ya' got something to say Iero?" He asked with a snarl and Frank smirked, examining his nails casually.
"I was just thinking about all those times I've proved you wrong about stuff." He said sweetly, and Gerard glared at him, moving past Mikey to tackle Frank onto his back and tickling his ribs mercilessly. Frank squealed and scratched at Gerard’s hands, laughing breathlessly as he kicked his legs, Mikey giggling as he watched.
"Ah... fuck hahaha, okay I give - hahaha - I GIVE!" He cried, and Gerard relented moving his hands away with a smug grin, Frank remained lying on his back, panting a little.
"Ugh... My insides are vibrating..." He groaned and Gerard spluttered with laughter, Frank giving him a death glare. Mikey laughed quietly and turned his face away, sighing a little as Gerard got busy apologizing since Frank could hold grudges for all of America.
He wondered if he would ever have moments like that with a guy. Wondered if he could ever have a boyfriend he'd love as much as Gerard loved Frank. He too wanted to have sweet moments, and playful moments, and be able to hold and kiss someone and really enjoy it. He thought kissing Ryan would have proved to him that he could enjoy being with someone, but it had proved the opposite. And now he had wasted his first kiss, and it hadn’t been the magical moment every one always described it as.
"Hey Mikes, your okay aren’t you?" Asked Gerard and Mikey realized he and Frank had stopped talking. He blushed a little and fixed a smile onto his face before turning to look at them both.
"I'm fine." He said brightly, clutching his coffee cup tightly. Gerard gave him a skeptical look as Frank sit up, also looking at Mikey in concern. "Really, I'm okay." Mikey insisted, wishing they wouldn’t worry so much. They didnt understand what it was like for him, being unable to look at a guy and want him. Even if the kids in his class were just fooling around - at least they felt the desire to. But Mikey didnt, and he couldn’t understand why.
Was he just a perfectionist? And no one did anything for him because they didnt fit the unrealistic image he had unwillingly concocted in his head? Or was something in his brain wrong? The part that sends the emotions of love and lust. But he did feel lust, he was a normal teenage boy in all those ways - like... morning problems... and he dreamt of sex, he knew he did but he couldn’t remember the dreams. So he had no idea who the person had been. He would just wake up with a smile and wish that whoever the dream person was - they were real. It was beyond frustrating.
Gerard stared at Mikeys fake smile for a long moment, he could tell Mikey was lieing to him, but he didnt know what to do about it. Mikey had explained what had upset him and he and Frank had given him all the advice they could. He didnt know what else to do - it wasn’t a simple solution like when Mikey was being bullied and he could just go to the school and beat up whoever the bullies were, and it wasn’t trouble with work where he could just look up the answers on the internet and then help Mikey out who refused to cheat. This was something where he could only say what he honestly thought and hope that Mikey would believe him. Which he clearly didnt. Gerard could see there was nothing he could say or do that would put Mikeys mind at ease - and this was something that had never happened before. Gerard knew Mikey had to be the one to find out for himself that he was just as normal as every other person, so being unable to offer much help was infuriating to Gerard who had never before failed to make everything seem fine again for his younger brother.
"Thanks again guys." Mikey said softly as he got to his feet and Gerard gave him a questioning look. "I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." He explained with a small smile, just as fake as his others and Gerard sighed. A part of him wanted to demand that Mikey sat back down and talked until this was all sorted out. But he also knew that by doing so would only make things worse, not better, so he simply nodded and whispered a quiet goodnight.
Mikey left the room with a short nod and dumped his cup in the kitchen before walking up the stairs without another word, keeping his fake smile in place until he was out of view, where he sighed and his shoulders slumped.
"Gee..." Frank placed his hand softly on Gerard’s shoulder and gave a sad smile. "He'll be okay. He's just..." Frank shrugged, looking for the right word. "I dunno, going through some teenage problems I guess. You know how terrible everything seems at that age." Frank grimaced as he realized he sounded remarkably like his eighty year old grandpa, and Gerard giggled as he looked at his expression.
"I know Frankie." He sighed, his face falling once more as he placed his hand on top of Franks and moved it off his shoulder so he could lace their fingers. "I just hate seeing him upset and not being able to help... that’s never happened before." He said quietly, smiling a little when Frank crawled into his lap and cuddled into his chest, wrapping his free hand around Gerard’s waist.
"I know. But don’t worry Gee, your always here for him and he knows that, and sometimes that’s all he'll need. Just wait, in a few weeks, he'll be fine again. This is just a phase he's going through." Frank said softly, pressing a tender kiss to the space of skin between Gerard’s collar bones. Gerard closed his eyes softly and nodded, wrapping his arms securely around Frank.
"I hope so..." He whispered, tipping his head back a little as Frank trailed his kisses up to the hollow of his throat, the tender presses of lips becoming more definite, a few gentle nips thrown into the mix. Gerard smiled a little and glanced down at Frank who was moving up the curve of his throat to his Adams apple, trailing hot kisses along his skin.
"What are you doing to me Frankie?" He giggled, moving his fingers beneath the hem of Frank’s shirt to trace patterns across the skin on his lower back. Frank smirked and bit down gently on the soft skin beneath Gerard’s ear.
"What do you think I'm doing?" He answered playfully and Gerard laughed, taking hold of Franks chin to pull his face away from his neck, turning until their faces were level, Frank leaning forward to try and kiss him but Gerard placed a finger over his lips to stop him.
"Something you should be taking down to the bedroom." He answered with a playful glint in his eyes and Frank grinned, taking hold of Gerard’s wrist so he could lean forward and catch his lips in a heated kiss.
"Sounds good." He murmured against his lips and Gerard chuckled softly, getting to his feet and pulling Frank up with him, pecking his lips softly before leading the way to the door that led down into his basement room, shutting the door behind him.
Mikey moved from his spot on the stairs where he had watched them and sighed. Typical, he leaves the room for five minutes and they're all over each other. He only wanted to go and ask if Gerard had taken Saw out of his room but once reaching the stairs and looking through the living room doorway had realized perhaps Gerard was a bit busy. It was going to be one of those nights then - when he would have to wear earphones all night with the volume on high.
Mikey groaned and walked gently back up the stairs. He didnt get annoyed when Frank and Gerard did stuff like this, he knew they tried their hardest to keep quiet and usually they went to Frank’s house instead. But he had never seen them kiss like that before, though obviously he knew they did, and seeing it had only convinced him further that he could never have that. It hadn’t disgusted him to see it, but it had made him feel a strange swirling in his stomach that told him he shouldn’t try such passionate kissing with anyone or it might leaving him feeling a bit gross. It had just seemed strange to him, and he didnt know why.
Mikey crawled into his bed and grabbed his i-Pod, unraveling the head phones and sighing as he looked about his room in the semi - darkness. He had posters lining his walls of his favorite bands, and a lot of them he knew were handsome... he tried to imagine himself kissing the guitarists. Touching the front men and he found himself grimacing slightly. It didnt appeal to him at all, and he put his head phones in with a heavy heart.
He really wasn’t normal... He could feel it.
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